Do You Abandon Yourself For Those You Love?

Hi Divas,

The messages exchanged with one of my closest girlfriends this morning felt strange.

Something just felt off …  I couldn’t put a finger on it…

 Do You Abandon Yourself For Those You Love?

The conversation felt a bit formal. The usual smileys were missing …

 The details were missing in the content we were sharing …

 The endearing nick names we call at each other were gone…

 I asked her straight out – “It feels something is off. Is anything the matter?”

 She said – “No, nothing.”

 And although it was hard, I believed her and then I LET HER BE.

 And YET –

 Being the sensitive soul that I am, while still being in the conversation, I could feel the horror of that same old weird pull … tugging at my tummy again.

The stories of the past … the same old familiar fear from experiences of having lost many friends to reasons I still do not know, of being abandoned by people I like and love, they all returned with a renewed force…

Almost instantly, I felt a desperate urge to KNOW what was going on so that I could make it better! I wanted to “fix” it!

 Was she feeling triggered? Why was she being distant? Was she being angry at me for something I had done?

 I found myself trying to “work out” what had I done and not done in the last days that could´ve touched her the wrong way…

 And down and down I went into the spiralling rabbit hole of “why”, trying to figure out something I could not possibly know …

And at one moment I felt exhausted…

I realized I had left myself behind …

And it struck me hard in the stomach…

I had actually abandoned Sami while following this friend into her needs, her desires from the friendship, her unexpressed anger, trying to figure out why she was treating me coldly …

The fear of not being abandoned by another, had led me to abandon myself in that moment…

 How sad that feels to even write…

 And yet we ALL do it … we abandon ourselves at crucial moments and make up scenarios in our head and beat ourselves up for things we didn´t even do or say …

 Just because that´s our auto pilot in relationships. “I must´ve done something wrong!”

 And then with that awareness, I stopped … Just that very moment I stopped.

 Yes it felt really hard to let go…

 Yes I felt extremely sad that I had to experience this disconnect with her… someone who is so dear to me…

 And yet I cannot abandon myself anymore. I cannot beg, plead, ask for explanations… when I can feel the energy of the other person resisting it …

She wrote back herself later that day. It felt good. The details and the laughter flowed.

 It also confirmed to me … we are all humans here…with our moods and anxieties and triggers …

 Complex… and yet beautiful …

 But more than anything, it confirmed to me that our fears are only in our heads …

 And that a real relationship / friendship … will never strip you off your self-respect and boundaries!

 Just because … good relationships are meant to feel good, not bad!

And for those days when you’re feeling more sensitive, my affirmations audio will help.

Love,

Sami Wunder

Sami Wunder

Dating and Relationship Coach at Sami Wunder Coaching
Sami Wunder is a certified dating and relationship coach, a blogger and inspirational speaker. She helps women all over the world reconnect with their feminine energy and attract and keep the man of their dreams.

Sami has been seen on The Daily Mail, The Elephant Journal, The Natural Health Magazine, and The Huffington Post.

Sami Wunder

Sami Wunder is a certified dating and relationship coach, a blogger and inspirational speaker. She helps women all over the world reconnect with their feminine energy and attract and keep the man of their dreams. Sami has been seen on The Daily Mail, The Elephant Journal, The Natural Health Magazine, and The Huffington Post.

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