Sami Wunder

Do You Abandon Yourself For Those You Love?

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Hi Divas,

The messages exchanged with one of my closest girlfriends this morning felt strange.

Something just felt off …  I couldn’t put a finger on it…

 Do You Abandon Yourself For Those You Love?

The conversation felt a bit formal. The usual smileys were missing …

 The details were missing in the content we were sharing …

 The endearing nick names we call at each other were gone…

 I asked her straight out – “It feels something is off. Is anything the matter?”

 She said – “No, nothing.”

 And although it was hard, I believed her and then I LET HER BE.

 And YET –

 Being the sensitive soul that I am, while still being in the conversation, I could feel the horror of that same old weird pull … tugging at my tummy again.

The stories of the past … the same old familiar fear from experiences of having lost many friends to reasons I still do not know, of being abandoned by people I like and love, they all returned with a renewed force…

Almost instantly, I felt a desperate urge to KNOW what was going on so that I could make it better! I wanted to “fix” it!

 Was she feeling triggered? Why was she being distant? Was she being angry at me for something I had done?

 I found myself trying to “work out” what had I done and not done in the last days that could´ve touched her the wrong way…

 And down and down I went into the spiralling rabbit hole of “why”, trying to figure out something I could not possibly know …

And at one moment I felt exhausted…

I realized I had left myself behind …

And it struck me hard in the stomach…

I had actually abandoned Sami while following this friend into her needs, her desires from the friendship, her unexpressed anger, trying to figure out why she was treating me coldly …

The fear of not being abandoned by another, had led me to abandon myself in that moment…

 How sad that feels to even write…

 And yet we ALL do it … we abandon ourselves at crucial moments and make up scenarios in our head and beat ourselves up for things we didn´t even do or say …

 Just because that´s our auto pilot in relationships. “I must´ve done something wrong!”

 And then with that awareness, I stopped … Just that very moment I stopped.

 Yes it felt really hard to let go…

 Yes I felt extremely sad that I had to experience this disconnect with her… someone who is so dear to me…

 And yet I cannot abandon myself anymore. I cannot beg, plead, ask for explanations… when I can feel the energy of the other person resisting it …

She wrote back herself later that day. It felt good. The details and the laughter flowed.

 It also confirmed to me … we are all humans here…with our moods and anxieties and triggers …

 Complex… and yet beautiful …

 But more than anything, it confirmed to me that our fears are only in our heads …

 And that a real relationship / friendship … will never strip you off your self-respect and boundaries!

 Just because … good relationships are meant to feel good, not bad!

And for those days when you’re feeling more sensitive, my affirmations audio will help.

Love,

Sami Wunder

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