Have you ever been accused of being too picky in your dating life? It’s a common accusation thrown at single women, but it’s important to distinguish between having standards and being overly judgmental of men.
As a dating and relationship coach who has helped over 900+ women attract empowered, masculine men and healthy relationships, I’ve worked with many single women who struggle with this issue, and in this blog post, I want to help you understand if you’re being too picky or not in your dating life.
First, let’s clarify the difference between having standards and being judgmental.
What Does It Mean To Have Standards In Dating?
Having standards means knowing your worth and what you want in a partner. Inside my advanced soulmate attraction program Leap Into Love, I teach my clients how to recognize their deal-breakers and non-negotiables in dating and being clear on what you will and won’t tolerate in a relationship.
Standards are broadly understood expectations around how you desire to be treated by someone in a romantic relationship. For example, feeling respected, having your time honored by men you date, feeling emotionally and physically safe are all standards you get to have and HOLD in dating.
What Does It Mean To Be Judgmental In Dating?
However, being judgmental, on the other hand, means making assumptions or conclusions about someone without really getting to know them.
It means dismissing a man based on superficial or insignificant qualities without giving him a fair chance.
For example, when you see that a man drives an old car, you may immediately ‘assume’ that he does not have his finances together. However he could be financially well-off and still make the choice to drive an old model car that he personally enjoys. This is a true story from one of my Leap Into Love clients who assumed this about a man who was the CEO of a multi-millionaire company and had decided to stop dating him after seeing his car!
So, How Do You Know If You’re Being Too Picky In Dating Or Not?
Here are four signs to look out for:
1. You have an unrealistically long checklist
It’s good to have standards, but if your checklist is so specific that it’s unrealistic, you may be sabotaging your chances of finding a compatible partner. For example, if you insist on finding a man who is 6’4″ with a certain income level, specific hobbies, and a particular sense of humor and beard size, you may be limiting your dating pool unnecessarily.
2. You dismiss men too quickly
If you find yourself dismissing men before really getting to know them, you may be too picky in dating. Perhaps you’re too focused on their physical appearance or their job title, without giving them a chance to show you who they really are as a person. Remember, chemistry and connection can’t always be predicted by a checklist.
If this resonates, this is something I cover in great detail in module 3 of Leap Into Love and show you how to release the chemistry-choosing pattern in men and attract a HEALTHY, loving man who may already be present in your life but you´re not seeing him. Like it happened for my client Deneisha who did Leap Into Love and is one of our hundreds of success stories.
3. You’re too attached to your deal-breakers
Deal-breakers are important, but they shouldn’t be used as an excuse to dismiss someone without really getting to know them. For example, if you’ve decided that you won’t date a man who has children, you may be missing out on a great partner who is loving and committed, simply because of a preconceived notion.
This happened to one of my clients who met someone who was treating her amazingly but had two teenage kids. Ultimately, my client decided that she was willing to let go of this deal-breaker, based on how good her relationship felt with this man.
4. You’re not getting any dates
If you’re not getting any dates or interest from men, it may be time to reevaluate your approach.
Perhaps your standards are too high, or you’re not giving men a fair chance. It’s important to be realistic and open-minded in the dating process, without compromising on your core values and beliefs.
Remember, having standards is important, but being too picky can sabotage your chances of finding a compatible partner. It’s important to strike a balance between knowing your worth and being open-minded in the dating process.