Today’s short and sweet article has just one quick message:
Don’t let the thoughts in your rational head mess up your connection with your feelings! Choose your heart over your head and bring your relationship closer!
As a woman, nature has bestowed you with extremely special gifts of intuition, a gut instinct and feelings. Your feelings in fact are the most powerful radar you will ever have to help you move through this world in an honest and authentic way. However, we all train our minds so much and our hearts so little that along the way the mind starts to overpower the heart, the seat of our feelings, gut and intuition.
The rational mind declares the feelings as irrational and avoidable.
Consider this scenario as an example. Let’s say your man doesn’t do any of the “feel good” things you would like him to do for you. You miss the romance in your relationship. You miss him bringing you flowers or surprising you with a holiday plan or a piece of exquisite jewellery just for you.
Here are the reactions of your head and heart:
Your head says: “It’s alright. He’s busy. I am a modern woman and I don’t have to act like a heroine from the 19th century novels. I don’t need him to do all the cheesy stuff for me. It’s all good! Move on.”
Your feelings say: “But Sami, I feel so sad. I don’t feel as adored as I’d like to feel. I miss something in our relationship. I feel secretly jealous of all the women whose men do these things for them. I wish to have more – I wish to feel his presence and commitment to me more. But I feel so scared to even mention this to him in case he will flip out on me.”
Your head – “Yes he will and you will end up pushing him away. So please shut up! At least he married you. It’s all good. You are a modern day woman and above this kind of stuff.”
Conversation closed. Life goes on.
This is how, over and over again, your head rules out your feelings as irrational and useless and you continue to live and experience a half-hearted love life where you find yourself “settling” and saying it’s all okay rather than expanding in love with joy and praise and saying, “It’s wonderful! It’s grand! I can’t get enough of it!”
So the next time when your head tries to overcome your heart (your feelings, your vulnerability), just ask the head to “shut up.”
Connect with your sadness and what you miss and say it aloud to yourself: “I am just a girl here, and yes, I need this affection and adoration too from my man, just like any other girl. I deserve it.”
And then learn new ways to speak to him from your heart so that he feels compelled to give to you what you want instead of feeling under pressure and running away from you.
For instance, if you want your man to plan more dates with you, one possible script could look like this.
“Honey. Something has been on my heart for sometime. I feel scared saying this but it also doesn’t feel good to hide my feelings from you. The thing is that I realised it would feel really good to me if we could spend some more quality time together. I’d so enjoy having some fun dates with you. What do you think?”
Bingo! That’s how feelings bring your relationship closer. When you share your feelings with your man, he can hear you much better than he would if you just ordered him to take you out on more dates.
Plus, such a script works fantastically well because you have stated your needs in a vulnerable way and without making your man wrong or making him feel like he´s at flaw for not taking good enough care of you.
Since most men would respond well to a script like this, what you get as a result of sharing your feelings, is more connection with your partner. He feels inspired to make you happy (because he feels trusted by you to find a solution to your concerns) and you get your needs met and become a happier, more attractive woman in the relationship. A win-win!
The bottomline then is that being vulnerable, connecting with our feelings and sharing them with our man is a way more rewarding experience for the relationship than constantly being in our heads and stuffing our emotions down.
To help you connect with your feelings and live life like a feminine diva, I’ve created my affirmations audio. Check it out here: http://samiwunder.com/diva-in-life-diva-in-love/index.html
I’d love to hear your experiences. Do you hide your feelings out of fear of rocking the boat? How does that feel? Have you tried sharing your feelings with your partner? What was the result of that conversation?