You have a good relationship. He's a good man. You have good vibes together. He supports you, you care for each other, the sex is okay, maybe could be more, but it's fine. You think you are in your feminine energy.
But, he hasn’t popped the question. You're probably confused and frustrated. Everything seems fine, but he still won't offer you the ring. You're not alone, and I want you to know that I'm coming from a place of love and compassion, not judgment.
As a relationship coach who has worked with thousands of women over the last 10 years, I've seen this exact pattern play out repeatedly. Smart, incredible women in seemingly good relationships where the man just won't take that final step toward marriage.
This might feel sensitive, but I invite you to listen with love, grace, and a beginner's mindset. There's something here for you to take away if your partner or boyfriend is not stepping up.
Why Men Don't Propose in Good Relationships
I'm speaking specifically to the woman who has what looks like a good relationship. If I asked you how things are going, you'd probably say, it's okay. It's good. He's a good man, we have a good vibe, he supports you, I care, he cares. But he won't pop the ring. Everything is okay, but he doesn't propose.
After looking at so many couples, so many patterns, and coaching so many women through my online relationship coaching programs who've come to me with this very similar situation, I've discovered something critical.
Somewhere down the line in this relationship, either polarity was reduced and attraction was reduced, or you started to care more for him than he cares for you.
These two patterns will not inspire a man to step up and give you the ring. Let me explain exactly why these dynamics kill a man's incentive to commit, and what they look like in your relationship.
Related: 7 Feminine Energy Shifts to Make Him Chase You and Commit
Secret Reason #1: Reduced Polarity and Attraction
The polarity problem in long-term relationships is real. When I work with women inside my relationship coaching program Elevate, one of the first things I examine is the level of polarity in the relationship. We have clients do a quiz that helps them see who is more in the giving or leading dynamic in the relationship.
I'm not kidding you, 98% of the time, it's the woman.
This doesn't surprise me because we're living in a day and age where we think we understand feminine energy, but when I look at how people are actually showing up in their relationships, there's a big embodiment gap. We say we know these concepts, but in real life we're not able to implement them.
Related: When a Man Pulls Away: What High-Value Women Do
What Happens When a Woman Over-Functions
When a woman is in her over-functioning and over-giving energy, it naturally reduces the man's attraction towards her. It dims his fire, his desire, his testosterone towards her, and he gets really comfortable. Here's the thing with lessened polarity and lessened sexual attraction in a relationship: men get lazy, they get more passive. They get more oxytocin from you, more serotonin from you versus testosterone. And testosterone is the hormone that guides him forward.
The Male Instincts That Drive Commitment
The fear of loss. The fear of losing your attention to other men. Competitive energy. Competitive instincts. Loss instincts. Fear instincts. These are the male instincts that will make a man lock you down. It's not the oxytocin and the serotonin. What happens in long-term relationships, especially if you've been with this man for a while, is that he's gotten comfortable, particularly if you are doing more of the work in the relationship. And that's why he's resisting commitment.
Related: Why A Guy Gives Mixed Signals
Why He Has No Desire to Commit
He literally has no instinctive desire to commit because he feels everything is good. This is fine. Why do we have to change this?
From his perspective: She's in. She's my girlfriend. We sleep together. Everything is fine. I don't need to do anything beyond this.
Men get lazy. The more active a woman is in the relationship, the more she starts to over-function, the more masculine energy she brings. The more masculine energy she has, the more the guy gets into his feminine energy, gets lazy, gets passive, and the polarity dies. He literally has no incentive to offer you the ring because you're doing all the work, you're invested, you're in. What's the fear? Nothing is going to be lost if he doesn't propose.
That's why men don't step up and commit. When you operate in masculine energy in your relationship, over-functioning, controlling, doing all the work, you kill the polarity and passion that masculine men need to feel that burning desire to lock you down.
This is exactly what I've seen with high achieving women through my women's relationship coaching: they unconsciously operate in masculine energy in their love lives, which kills polarity and passion.
Download my Feminine Energy Checklist, it will make it easy to always remember what's important and embody your feminine energy with ease.
As a high value woman, you should be able to use your empowered masculine energy in your career and work life, but when it comes to your love life, dating, and being in a partnership with your man, you want to use feminine energy and learn the art of receiving.
My relationship coaching for women programs are so powerful when it comes to issues like these. They give you all the scripts, all the strategies, methodologies, and mindsets that you need to adopt and display if you desire to attract a healthy masculine man and keep him in your life. You can find hundreds of success stories from my clients:
Inside my coaching program Elevate, we teach you how to handle various situations like this. You are not alone in going through this and ensure you get the best possible guidance. When we work with clients, we ensure the woman communicates in a high-value way.
Secret Reason #2: He Feels You Love Him More Than He Loves You
The second reason why men will resist commitment, not offer you the ring or the proposal, is when he feels like in the relationship, you love him more than he loves you.
The Self-Abandonment Pattern
This is a dynamic that so many women create in the relationship without even realizing it. And if you resonate with this, please remember not to judge yourself. Remember to be kind to yourself.
I've actually been the woman who saw her mom over-function, over-give, over-love my father all her life. I'm not talking down at you, I'm very much in the field with you.
Those dynamics we see in our childhood are so easy to replicate. It's not your fault if you are loving your guy more than you love yourself, because probably just like me, you saw your mom do the same.
You saw your mom love your dad despite a fight. You saw your mom abandon her last piece of bread so that dad could eat. So your idea of love can look like self-abandonment and loving him more than you love yourself, which is the most natural instinct for us women.
Related: How To Make A Man Worry About Losing You
When Your Choices Stack Up Against You
It's not the one time or two times. It's when a lot of such choices pile up and stack up so that he has very clear evidence: you love him more than he loves you, or you love him more in the relationship than you love yourself.
You might often put:
- His needs above your needs
- His work above your work
- His free time above your free time
- His wishes and desires above your wishes and desires
Men actually feel like they are in the relationship because the woman wants them, not because they really want it.
You can Download my Feminine Energy Checklist, it will make it easy to always remember what's important and embody your feminine energy with ease.
Why Men Want to Propose for Themselves
Men commit and men propose when they feel like it's their idea. I'm talking about empowered, healthy, masculine men. Self-aware men. Masculine men who get to decide.
But when it is the woman who is over-nurturing, over-giving, over-doing, over-functioning, over-present, a man can often feel like: She loves me so much and I'm happy about that, but do I really feel the same way?
He’ll think: I wanna propose to my dream girl. I wanna propose to the woman I fought for. I wanna propose to the woman who makes me feel stuff. I don't wanna just propose to a woman because she loves me like my mom loves me.
It's almost like a mothering love when a woman is in her over-giving, over-functioning energy.
Very often, men are not proposing because they have learned through multiple choices and decisions in the relationship that this woman is actually really into me. This woman doesn't mind loving me more than loving herself.
If I were to propose to her, I'd probably propose to appease her. But I wanna propose because I feel like it's my decision. Because I miss this woman. I love this woman. I feel such a deep level of attraction for this woman. I wanna do it for me.
Related: Awaken Your Feminine Power
How to Shift These Dynamics and Inspire Him to Commit
Here’s the good news. These patterns can change. When you work with a relationship and dating coach who understands these dynamics, you can shift this pattern. You can show up in a way in your relationship that makes your guy go:
You know what? I love her. I think she's the most incredible catch. I think I have to lock her down. And if I don't step up fast, I might even lose her. What am I even thinking? She's amazing. I think about her all the time.
Related: The 5 Feminine Energy Secrets That Keep Him Coming Back
Becoming a Feminine Queen TODAY
If you're ready to dive deeper into these concepts and completely transform how you show up in love, I'd love to support you. Through my best relationship and dating coaching methodology, I've helped countless women create the passionate, devoted partnerships they've always dreamed of.
The journey begins with my comprehensive Feminine Energy Checklist, a practical guide that will help you embody these principles daily and watch your relationship transform before your eyes. This feminine energy checklist contains 35 powerful reminders and practices that will help you show up as your most magnetic, irresistible self.
If you're looking for the best relationship coach for women or wondering which coach has the most results for attracting a loving relationship, I invite you to check out the thousands of success stories, marriages, and proposals emerging from my programs.
My strategies are practical and straightforward to implement versus having to meditate for 40 minutes or listen to long theoretical outdated lectures on feminine energy.
Download your Feminine Energy Checklist today and start experiencing the joy of being truly cherished and desired by your man.
Increasing His Attraction Overrides Everything
When a man feels attraction, he will step up for you. His attraction for you is going to override his logic. His attraction for you is gonna override all the silly misconceptions he has that you're gonna stay there forever, that you love him more than he loves you.
But when you know how to show up in a certain way, using feminine energy principles and understanding masculine feminine polarity in relationships, you're gonna see how he starts responding to you differently.
If you can hold that energy for a longer period of time, you can shift the dynamic.
Want more personalized support?
If this is calling you, make sure to book a call with us and inquire about the Elevate program. As a relationship and dating coach specializing in online relationship coaching and women's relationship coaching, I've helped thousands of high-achieving women find and keep extraordinary relationships.
Click here to book a free call with one of my trained relationship and dating coaches for women and join wait-list for Elevate.
Here's to feeling powerful and strong in your love life.
About the Author:
Sami Wunder is a leading dating and relationship coach specializing in women's relationship coaching and helping high-achieving women create lasting love. Through her online relationship coaching programs and relationship coaching for singles, she has guided over 19,000 women to find and keep extraordinary relationships with emotionally available, masculine men.