You’re dating a great guy, everything seems to be going well, the connection is off the charts… and suddenly he tells you he ‘needs space!’
Many women have been in this painful and almost shocking situation in dating or sometimes even further down in their relationships.
And you’re not alone if you’re facing this right now.
The way you respond to a man’s request for ‘space’ can make or break the fate of the relationship.
This is why, in this blog post, we are exploring the DOs and DON’Ts for when a man says he needs space.
My Client Amanda’s Situation
A couple of years ago, Amanda was my client in the Inner Circle live group coaching program.
She had been seeing a particular man for over two months, and then, unexpectedly, he wanted a break and some ‘space.’
His explanation was that certain things had come up in his life, due to which he couldn’t give Amanda the attention and the commitment she wanted.
Understandably, Amanda was devastated, as she had started to feel close to this man already.
But luckily for her, Amanda could turn to our support in the Inner Circle around her situation, and she avoided the common mistakes that many amazing women make when a man announces he needs space.
What NOT To Do When He Says He Needs Space?
Don’t Break Down In Front Of Him
When a man you feel attracted to says he needs space, most women will react by breaking down in front of him.
Breaking down looks like all your energy leaving your body, and you stand there completely shocked and taken aback. You may start to cry or react in a fragile, emotionally unstable manner.
While this is an understandable reaction when receiving such unexpected news, to a man it shows him how emotionally invested you are in him.
This recognition will not inspire him to take his words back and claim your heart. If anything, it will give him another reason to want even more space.
Don’t Beg A Man, Ever!
The second mistake that a lot of women tend to make when a man reveals he needs space is to beg him about changing his mind.
I know that’s not a nice word, but in the Wunder world, we teach our clients to never, ever, ever, beg a man for anything.
Yet, even begging and pleading can feel so innocent in that moment, because you feel like you know this person, this person likes you, and it would just be so easy to just make them stay somehow, and convince them that, “We can get through this.”
Don’t Coach The Man!
The next instinct after begging and pleading is convincing or trying to coach the man out of this situation.
When a man asks for space, our bright intellect comes into play, and we feel that, if we just eliminate his ‘logical reasons’ for which he says he needs space, then everything will be fine again.
When we see that a man is coming up against his own commitment issues or intimacy fears, coaching him through it can seem like such a great idea.
You may feel tempted to ask him questions like:
“What fears are you getting about us?”
“Let’s talk about it. What do you think is happening with you?”
“Are you afraid because your job situation is not sure?”
“Or are you afraid that we haven’t lived together and that is why you are unsure if we’re going to be able to make it or not?”
Many women get into that ‘coaching space’ when their guy confesses he needs space.
Coaching is hardcore Masculine Energy, which we know pushes high-value men away instead of bringing them closer.
And every time you coach men this way, what do they want to do?
They want to run away in the opposite direction at double the speed at which they wanted to leave in the first place…
So as tempting as coaching him may be, avoid it, my loves.
Don’t Blame The Man Because He Needs Space
Last but not the least, we also don’t want to blame the man.
Many times, in my free Facebook group Wunder Divas, I see women judging men.
“He’s a low-value man. He doesn’t even want to commit. Let him go. He’s a douchebag.”
I find this sad, because I believe every man or woman has their own insecurities and imperfections.
Just like I teach my clients that their imperfections don’t make them a douchebag or any less than an amazing girl who deserves amazing love in her life.
It’s the same for men.
They’re not perfect. They, too, have their insecurities. They have their fears, but it doesn’t make them douchebags.
In any case, judgment is not only very disrespectful to a man, but it is also hardcore masculine energy. We don’t want to go there.
The truth is that a man asking for space in a relationship or dating equation is being respectful of his needs and his desire for freedom, and he deserves to have it!
But just like he gets to do what is right for him, you too, my darling, can do what serves you and what’s right for you!
Which brings me to the next section – What To Do When A Man Says He Wants Space.
What TO DO When A Man Says He Needs Space?
Now that we know what not to do when a man claims he needs space, we can move into learning the 4 steps to take instead.
Of course, I cannot guarantee that this process will ‘work’ on any man and in any situation, as each relationship and each man is different. However, if there is something real between you and him, this is going to give you the best chance of inspiring him to overcome his reasons for wanting space and come back to claim your heart.
Btw, if you need our individual attention on your case, book your complimentary assessment call with my team by clicking here, to learn about the support options we have available to help women like you get results quickly.
Step #1: What Exactly To Say To Him, When He Needs Space?
Here’s what I asked Amanda to do.
I asked her to pick up the phone and to say, “You know what, you need space. Take all the space you need.”
Amanda did not believe me at first when I suggested this response. But being a good student, she trusted the expert and did it anyway.
Why is it important to let a man go, when he needs space?
Because you can’t twist and turn a man’s neck into committing to you.
You also can’t ‘talk’ a man into wanting you and committing to you. There is nothing that you could say in that moment, to make him instantly change his mind.
This must come from inside himself.
When a man makes his decision to be with you all by himself, not convinced or pushed or manipulated by you, that’s when you have real power in a man’s life.
I know till today, my husband really values the fact that he was the one chasing me, and that the decision to claim me came from HIM. As much as I wanted things to work out between the two of us, he was always in the lead when it came to defining the decisions for us.
So back to Amanda.
She took my advice and told him, “Okay. Go and take the time you need.”
He said, “Really? You don’t have a problem with that?”
She said, “No.”
I think women often don’t understand the power of how much it means to men to experience a woman who will not chase him, who will not run behind him, who will not force or push herself on him.
At the same time, she’s empowered.
She’s coming from a self-loving space, not blaming the man – and that is supremely attractive to men.
What Amanda didn’t her man in that moment was that she was going to start Rotational Dating again.
Step #2: Expand Your Dating Horizons Again
When a man you’re attached to says he needs space, you, too, need to take space for yourself, and open yourself to the possibility of another man appearing and becoming your Mr. Forever.
Obviously, this isn’t easy to hear.
When I gave Amanda this recommendation, she wanted to throw up. She didn’t want to do it.
I said, “I totally get it. We’re going to wait for a week, till you feel better, and then we’re going to do the self-loving thing, which is we’re going to go back online. And we’re going to create more options for you, so that you remember that you’re the prize in love and you’re the desirable creature, and that, if not this man, there’s always another better man.”
Step #3: Accept Your Feelings
Even if you intellectually accept the necessity to start Rotational Dating again, it can be hard at an emotional level to embrace this fully.
Here’s what happened to Amanda.
The first day after giving my power speech to the man, she felt better, more in control. But the next day, she felt like the world was falling apart.
Amanda felt like she just wanted to cry the whole day. She felt abandoned.
She felt like her past was repeating. Her heart hurt. She felt all kinds of things.
AND – it was ALL. VERY. NORMAL.
If you’ve spent a decent amount of time with a man and you’ve started to connect with him, if you don’t feel hurt, it would be abnormal.
So what you should do when a man says he needs space, is to accept your own feelings about the situation, and allow yourself the time to heal and move through your grief.
Step #4: Embrace Self-Love
As part of step 4, I reminded Amanda that just because the man had left, it did not mean that LOVE had to leave her life.
I reminded her that in the world of Feminine Energy, we are always the source of love in our lives, and that there is no man out there who is supposed to be the source of love in our lives.
That was a powerful realization for her.
We said that she’s just going to sit with all her feelings, which is what Feminine Energy is about, and she’s going to look after herself.
She’s going to allow herself to feel whatever she’s feeling and give herself permission to feel those feelings.
Here’s the mantra I gave Amanda, and which I encourage you to practice as well:
“I give myself permission to fully feel what I’m feeling and be okay with that. And know that there is love always available to me. Not in the form of a man, but in the form of myself being there for me. I know that I am the source of the love that I seek, always.”
Amanda’s Happy Ending
Long story short, following the 4 steps above, Amanda could really turn around the energy she had around this man.
She was able to implement the work in terms of being the source of her own love in life.
Within a few days, she put herself back on Bumble, on Hinge and the League.
And she started to enjoy it. So many great men started to flow in again. We reminded her once again that she’s always got the power, she’s always the prize in the world of men.
Then guess what happened?
I think you ladies are smart enough to understand when a woman shifts her focus back on herself, the men do come back…
This happens all the time.
When a woman’s energy turns around and turns inward toward self-nourishment, and looking after herself, and loving herself versus obsessing with a guy or even trying to run away from her painful feelings, magic happens.
A few weeks after he told her he needs space, Amanda’s man called her up again and told her that he had been a total j***.
He apologized and he couldn’t believe that he was letting such a gem go away from his life. Then he said that he’s 100% committed now. He would like to meet and they would like to talk about how this is going to grow and go further.
When she met him, he asked her to be his girlfriend. Amanda was not looking for marriage, so this was the commitment she, too, wanted.
To this day, Amanda is in a healthy, committed exclusive relationship with the same man who initially told her he needs space.
It’s just such a joy for me to watch my clients’ lives transform and turn around by doing the inner work.
If you, too, feel inspired by Amanda’s story of turning around her situation, I invite you to book a consultation call to discover the best way in which we can support you in achieving your love dreams.
These calls are complimentary, 100% confidential, and are held by a trained team member who is able to identify your love patterns and recommend the best step forward, to attracting your Soulmate or creating the best relationships or marriage with your man.
The love you desire is possible and it doesn’t have to take years of trial and error for you to have it.
Sami has been seen on The Daily Mail, The Elephant Journal, The Natural Health Magazine, and The Huffington Post.
Latest posts by Sami Wunder
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