At a recent workshop that I organized for women in Paris, I met some very interesting, successful, kick-ass women who bravely admitted to having their share of struggles in love. As we talked and opened up to each other and did some exercises together, most of these women realized they liked to be the “leading partner” in their relationships.
Learn How to Bring Him Close & Make Your Relationship Thrive in my free guide [click here to download]
They had strong impulses to control their man, to control their relationship, to push the relationship forward, to decide, to be the smart one between the two, to be the decision-maker, planner and initiater – all masculine energy traits we know so well.
Now there is nothing wrong with this per se. Masculine energy is great too! It’s needed and it is this energy that has brought these women so far in life and so much success.
However, the challenge is that all these women want masculine men. They want a man who is charismatic, knows what he is doing, is in control and leads them into romance – plans dates, brings them flowers and presents, is ambitious and has goals for his career and can take charge of situations better than them. This is the kind of man these women feel attracted to.
And while such men absolutely exist, they are attracted to feminine energy partners! A masculine man is very quickly turned off by masculine energy women, because he wants to lead and they want to lead too and all you get is a head-butting ceremony, a clash of the same energies.
However, does this mean that these women have to be single forever or that they have to change themselves? Absolutely not. The following are my two cents for this case –
1) You don’t have to change yourself inherently but you can learn how to switch hats between masculine and feminine energy.
You can be outright masculine at work ( if you believe that is you and some women have inherently more masculine energy than feminine energy) but “choose” to be feminine energy in your partnership with a masculine man – if that’s what you want. If you want a masculine energy man, he will be intinctively attracted to feminine energy women and this is nature and evolution – not an intellectual concept that we can argue and debate with or have an “opinion” collision on.
It also helps to remember that when we learn about feminine energy, we are just learning how to use a new set of skills in our relationships. It does not amount to changing ourselves or not being our true-selves. At least, not anymore than learning a new language changes you. In my world-view, it only enhances you and makes you richer.
2) If feminine energy is not for you, you can go for a feminine energy man who will complement your masculine energy in the relationship.
I see this a lot with many modern, successful women I know. Their guys are no big-shot CEOs or managers themselves but sculptors, artists, writers, men in softer professions who can complement the energy of the woman they love. This too can be a great partnership because these women find emotional comfort and solace in the arms of these men. However, these women are doing the heavy lifting in the relationship – they are earning the bigger chunk of money or all the money between the couple, supporting the family financially while the man is supporting the household and the woman´s career. This again is a great partnership and such families work very well too and there is love in them.
However, a woman has to be very sure and very comfortable with the fact that she is the masculine energy partner in the relationship and that this is the contract/agreement with her man in the relationship. It is wrong to feed the hope that the man will change himself and step up over time.
Some of my clients return with resentment and frustration after years of being masculine in their relationships with the complaint that their man is lazy and doesn’t work hard enough to make money and they feel exhausted after years of being the leader in the relationship and supporting the family.
“How can I change him Sami?” they ask.
And the answer is you can’t. You can’t change another person no matter how hard you try and how much you believe you can. You can only and only change yourself.
If you have decided to be the leader in the relationship. your man’s default position will be feminine energy. The poor fellow is left with no choice but to be in feminine energy with you. If he would not, your relationship wouldn’t have lasted this long because you cannot have two leaders in a relationship.
Think of it like this: a train with two drivers wanting to drive in the opposite direction – you want it your way and he wants it his way and both of you want to have it your way because you believe you are right! As you can imagine, this train will never move anywhere. So if resentment is building up with your “lazy” man, you have to either accept him the way he is or you have to shift your own energy, for him to have to space to shift his. Unless you shift into feminine, there is no way he can step into masculine.
This is my answer to all women who come to me asking: how can I inspire him to do more for me romantically, do more for the family, support us more financially?
You can do this by stepping into feminine energy yourself. You can do it by learning to receive more and giving less and enjoying what your man can bring to you.
And if you cannot let go of your urges to control, lead, plan, initiate, tell him what he should do, there is no way you can inspire, seduce, lure, attract, push him into being a more masculine guy. If anything, you will end up in repeated, exhausting arguments and this will go against you and further strain your relationship.
The more feminine energied partners we can be, the more we can inspire our men to be the leaders. We need to empty the space we have taken in the relationship so that the other can step in and take it up.
It takes a deliberate, intentional, effort to walk this path and this is the work we must do on ourselves!
To help you with this work specifically, I’ve created Soulmates Forever, my advanced, signature program for relationships. It will take you through a whole journey of “doing” relationships from a feminine place.
I would love to hear back from you. Do you struggle with being masculine in your relationship? Has it had an adverse impact on your relationship? Do you feel inspired to learn more about feminine energy or would you rather just find a feminine energy man who complements you?
This is such an amazing letter Sami. I feel I do have trouble switching sides from feminine to masculine or other way round. Sometimes for days I find myself in masculine mode and I forget to be feminine and sometimes for days I am in feminine mode and find I am not so productive on those days.. how can I balance my energies on an every day basis? Please help
Hi Magnolia ! That´s a great question. I totally get you about “running in inertia” mode on masculine energy and forgetting feminine energy. This especially happens if we have to be in our heads a lot and get many things done in a day. Here´s my tip for you – You have to become aware, very aware, on a moment to moment basis – which energy you are coming from and then “choose” to be in feminine energy in the moment. You can also wear a charm ( I wear a pearl bracelet for instance), that “reminds” you of your choice to be in a feelingful, present state ( feminine energy). Generally, you can also get a lot done from this place – just that it feels like a more peaceful, trusting place to come from. Hope that helps! Love, Sami
[…] I have mentioned previously in some of my articles, understanding the exchange of energies in romantic relationships can often be the single, most defining factor in the success of romantic […]
Good article. Can attest to the wisdom in it! A few years ago I would have immediately written this off … Was unmothered and largely raised by my dad to be the ‘son’ of the family … A driven, planning, strategic, hustling, winning achiever. The problem? I am a feminine energy woman! To survive I dissociated from the feminine and lived from the masculine … Kicked ass and did everything I was ‘supposed’ to do to a T. And ended up mentally and emotionally obliterated, rejecting even feminine energy in my man. It has been hard by I am getting back into living from my feminine the majority of the time … And surprise, it’s excellent! It feels so right and I finally feel alive. This article is a great help as the modern world tends to belittle and disrespect the feminine big time. I can’t wait for the future now … Ladies, this stuff is real! Love how she says respect your true energy but for women with repressed feminine energy these are such liberating concepts …
May I have a free copy please?
Thank you ♥♥
I am enjoying the Diva’s posts. Some comments remind me of the ways I react some times.
Thank you Sami and Assisants
amazing vibes with all the Divas ♥♥♥♥♥♥
You say in your article ( I quote ) ; “If you want a masculine energy man, he will be intinctively attracted to feminine energy women and this is nature and evolution.”
So Sami, can a masculine energy man that is attracted to feminine energy women also have feminine energy within himself ?- Could that feminine energy that is within the masculine man; we are currently referring to, be attracted to masculine energy inherently as well?
Like!! I blog quite often and I genuinely thank you for your information. The article has truly peaked my interest.
I love this post! I wonder if you can help! I’m in a same sex relationship with a girl. I feel we are both very feminine at core. Both are free spirits and going with the flow of life, i know I’m very feminine and like someone to keep me safe and grounded but I feel deep down she is also the same, we love each other but this topic has got me obsessed over the answers to this!
Hi Sami I loved your article because I am a single mom and I take care of my mom so Iam head of the family and have to take of everything alone so I have more masculine energy I attract alot of alpha males but they leave because I feel the need to take care of everything and not receiving anything from them. This was an eye opener for me. How can I learn how to receive?to switch between both energies.
So how do I find women with masculine energy? I’ve never had much luck on dating apps and found everyone I matched with was expecting me to lead and make the first move 🙁