Do you want to stop caring about when men think of you and be authentic in dating? As a leading international relationship coach, I’ve noticed an unhelpful pattern among many amazing women who are looking to attract healthy romantic relationships. They are caring too much about what men think of them vs. being authentic in dating.
In this blog, I will be giving you the five ‘Sami Wunder’ ways to stop caring about what men think of you and be authentic in dating and establish true connection with healthy men.
This will help you build a solid foundation for emotional attraction with the man you like and give you a true shot at attracting a healthy, romantic relationship.
Let's see. Does any of this resonate with you?
Are you tired of feeling like you have to be someone you’re not, just to impress your date?
Are you putting in more effort than the man, only to be left wondering what went wrong and why he didn’t ask you out again? Do you fear rejection if you express your true self and preferences on dates?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re not alone.
I have felt this pressure myself during my single days, almost a decade ago. And after having coached thousands of women to happy, healthy relationships, I have found that many amazing women struggle with the pressure to please men and need to stop caring what men think about them and start being authentic in dating.
So here's the thing - Overly caring what men think of you can be damaging to your self-worth and your chances of finding a healthy, authentic relationship.
When you care too much about what a man wants, you don’t give yourself permission to be your authentic self. This in turn damages the possibility of building true authentic connection with the man you like.
In fact, when you try hard to be someone you’re not, you attract the wrong kind of men and push away those who would actually appreciate you for being who you are.
In such scenarios, you end up putting more energy and effort into the relationship than the man does, and don’t receive the same energy back.
This makes you wonder what you did wrong, why you can’t find the one, and why the man you like doesn’t show you the same level of interest that you feel in him.
The truth is, caring too much about what men think of you is a turn off when building authentic connection with empowered masculine men.
This is why it’s so important to stop caring about what men think about you and start being more authentic in dating.
What I have noticed with my clients is that as a woman, when you’re acting this way, you might have a deep subconscious fear that you’re not good enough for the man you like, and because of this, there can be a tendency to over-provide energy and effort to him, while not receiving the same back.
Being in this kind of dynamic may cause you to chase the man more than the man chases you, even if the chase is only mental on your part and looks like worrying too much about his opinion of you.
This kind of behavior is not only tiring for you, but it can also lead to feelings of disappointment, frustration, and even resentment towards men.
Honestly speaking, if you check in with yourself, you will find that this is when dating starts to feel exhausting and like a chore for you vs. a fun opportunity to be authentic and enjoy connecting with a new human being.
Plus, a lot of the time, what I have observed with my clients is that you may have the fear that if you expressed your true, authentic self, you will be rejected or he won’t like you.
Having this fear may make you go against what you truly want or who you truly are, by acting in a different way just to please the man.
For example, my client Christy sat through a date, pretending to like sea-food when actually the fish smell turned her off. The man she was dating was a hugely successful entrepreneur who loved seafood so Christy felt ‘pressure’ to go along vs. just share with him that the fish smells disgusting. LOL.
Here’s what ‘authentic’ looks like for those of you who struggle imagining how this energy plays out in real life.
I remember recently when I was at a business meeting in London and decided to tell my host (an empowered, successful man) that I was going to use my hands to enjoy eating my Chinese dim sums as chopsticks made me feel clumsy.
I am such a confident woman but if only for a moment, I did wonder if he would think I am weird you know? However, I got over it and decided to just own it and stop caring what the man would think about me.
I decided to be authentic because what’s the point in being anybody BUT me?
And I wasn’t even on a ‘date’… but this is just about showing you the self-censorship and consciousness that may appear, even for the best of us, when we are in social interactions and feel the need to ‘fit in’ vs. be authentic.
Of course, I was not surprised that he told me later that even though it was a business meeting, he found it very pleasant and earthy to spend time with me. He felt like he could relax and be himself, simply because I was deciding to be comfortable being ME.
This is the power of building true, human connection, whether you’re dealing with a man or a woman.
And yet it takes courage. Because in order to attract an empowered, masculine man you have to believe in your own authentic value first!
But if you censor your own authenticity because you wonder if you’re good enough, this mindset becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When you fear that you have no potential and come across in your energy as if you don’t see your own value, it will affect what men think of you, having the opposite effect. No one will see your value if you don’t see it yourself!
This is why it’s important to focus on being your true, authentic self in dating & Stop Carting What men Think About You.
In fact, in all your relationships. It is what leads to building a genuine, emotional connection with a man and becomes the foundation of a relationship that has potential to go the mile.
When you show up as your genuine self, you’re more likely to attract the right kind of man into your life who will appreciate you for who you are.
You’ll find that you don’t need to chase after men because they will naturally be drawn to you.
So, how can you stop caring about what men think of you and be your authentic self?
Here are my 5 top tips to stop caring about what men think about you and start being more authentic on your dates -
1) Practice self-awareness
Authenticity begins with self-awareness. Take time to reflect on your values, beliefs, and emotions. What do you really stand for in life? What do you believe in? What do you like or dislike?
Be honest with yourself about who you are and what you want in life. This will help you identify your authentic self and stay true to your values and beliefs when dating men.
2) Stop Over-Investing In One Man
Caring too much about what a man thinks about you is over-investment in dating.
It’s important to remember that you are not in a relationship until you have both agreed to be exclusive.
Until then, it’s important to keep your options open and not over-invest in one man or care too much about his opinion of you.
This means not putting all of your energy and effort into one person, especially on the first few dates.
Take your time and enjoy the process of getting to know someone. I call it rotational dating in my work and you can read all about it over here.
3) Focus On Building Emotional Connection With Men
Rather than focusing on impressing your date with your achievements or looks, focus on building emotional connection with him.
This does not look like being who he wants you to be. It looks like being your real self with a man.
Plus, being genuinely curious and interested in him as a human being and as a person.
In my instantly downloadable, building emotional attraction with high caliber men program, one of the amazing bonuses I give you access to is the ‘intimacy fostering question guide.’
It will give you deep questions that you can ask men on dates, to get to know them at their core and evaluate their values while also revealing themselves to you.
4) Be True To Yourself
Don’t try to be someone you’re not just to please a man. Be true to yourself and your own desires and know that the right man for you will love you for it.
For example, my client Maggie was a successful career woman who had a hard time finding love when she found me.
She felt like men were intimidated by her success and intelligence, so she tried to downplay those qualities and act more submissive on dates.
But this only made her feel inauthentic and unfulfilled.
She started to believe that she would never find a man who appreciated her for who she was till she found us and tried the ‘Building Emotional Attraction With High Caliber Men program.’
Inside this program, I showed Maggie how her success and her brains were not the problem when it came to successful dating. It was just that she was over-identifying and leading with her achievements vs. letting true emotional connection build with men by being vulnerable.
This brings me to the next tip.
5) Give Yourself Permission To Be Vulnerable
One of the biggest fears that my strong, smart clients have in their love lives is being vulnerable.
They fear that if they show their true selves, they will be rejected.
But the truth is, vulnerability is what makes us human, and it’s what allows us to connect with others on a deeper level.
For example, my client Samantha had been seeing John for a few weeks, and things were going well between them. However, she was hesitant to share her past experiences with him, as they were deeply personal and had left her feeling vulnerable.
One evening, John could sense that something was bothering Samantha, so he asked her to open up to him.
Samantha had been working with our ‘Building Emotional Attraction’ program for a few weeks by now and knew the importance of embracing her vulnerability.
Hence, after a moment of hesitation, Samantha decided to take the risk and share her story with John.
She told him about a difficult breakup she had been through in the past, and how it had left her feeling insecure and afraid of getting hurt again. As she spoke, John listened attentively and offered her words of comfort and support.
By opening up to John, Samantha showed him her vulnerable side and allowed him to see the real her. This act of vulnerability created an emotional connection between them, as John felt honored that she had trusted him with such personal information, and Samantha felt relieved to have shared her story with someone who cared about her.
From that moment on, their relationship deepened, and they continued to grow closer as they shared more vulnerable moments with each other.
Through vulnerability and emotional openness, they built a strong foundation of trust and intimacy that allowed their relationship to thrive.
As a final note, I want to say that there is a lot of dating and relationship coaching advice on the internet. But my stuff WORKS and has created real results in the lives of hundreds of my clients.
If you are results oriented in your love life, you want to explore our programs.
As a smart, strong, successful woman, I invite you to place authenticity as one of the core principles of attracting a great, empowered masculine man in your life.
I teach how to build emotional attraction with men as part of my ‘Building Emotional Attraction With High Caliber Men program.’
It is a 3 part video training program with worksheets to help you learn the tools, mindsets and strategies to inspire deep devotion and attention from high quality men.