You find yourself giving a man the benefit of the doubt again and again. You've offered him a second chance, then a third, only to end up in a relationship that leaves you feeling less than fulfilled.
I know so many amazing women, even those in their feminine energy, who keep accepting less-than behaviors from men. Sometimes it's because of a fear of being alone. Sometimes it's the desperate hope that maybe, just maybe, he's “the one.”
But here's what I need you to remember: It is so much better to be single and happy by yourself than to get involved with a man who just brings misery, tears, and unhappiness into your life.
Today, I'm sharing the five red flags I never ever want you to ignore, no matter how hot, handsome, or attractive the man in front of you is.
Red Flag #1: Inconsistent Communication
Most women don't even treat this as a red flag, but it is a major one, inconsistent communication.
Very often in dating, men will come on consistently at the beginning. That's when they're putting their best foot forward and trying to impress you as a woman. But over time, you might find that their effort and consistency in communication reduces.
Here's what this looks like:
- The guy appears and gives you bursts of attention and compliments
- He takes you out on an amazing date
- Then he disappears for days without communication
- He reappears in your life, in your inbox, without really having a reasonable explanation
- He continues on with that dynamic as if nothing wrong happened
- He acts like he doesn't owe you an explanation
If you consistently feel like you're walking on eggshells, if the dates feel good with him in person but then when he is away you don't know how he feels about you, that is a red flag.
Related: 7 Feminine Energy Shifts to Make Him Chase You and Commit
Why This Pattern Matters
Here's the truth: No man does anything just one time.
If you find that a man is spotty with his communication, if he has this cycle where he is really involved and intense with you, then disappears, then reappears, the likelihood that this pattern will continue is very high.
No man who is truly interested in you as a woman, who is interested in future commitment with you, who is interested in taking you off the market, is ever going to play such a poor game.
What It Really Means
When a man goes in and out and is inconsistent with his communication with you, he definitely has doubts about his level of attraction for you and his interest in you. And he is a hundred percent speaking to other women and still scouting for the best option.
What Should You Do?
Maybe one time you can say: “I prefer more consistency in communication, but let me know if I'm asking for too much.”
But my life experience shows and I've been doing this for 10 years now, served over 18,000 customers helping them attract healthy masculine men, when it starts to go down this path and you even feel like you have to talk about it, it's not the right person.
The right person has the emotional intelligence to understand that if he wants to win a woman, if he wants to win the prize, he has to show up in his best energy. He has to make her feel safe, secure, and special in his connection with her.
I believe that if I always have to do the hard work of constantly teaching somebody how to treat me, then I am basically signing up for that dynamic for the rest of my life. I prefer to attract a man who is intelligent enough to know how to show up, because it's a sign of emotional intelligence.
But my experience shows: if this is happening in early dating, it's probably going to stay the same, and no amount of talking about it is going to change it.
Related: When a Man Pulls Away: What High-Value Women Do
Red Flag #2: Lack of Emotional Availability
The physical attraction is high. He's charming, you're charming. He's gorgeous, you're gorgeous. The kissing and the touching and all of that fun energy is there.
But the minute you go deeper, the minute you try to talk about maybe an issue you're having, a challenge you're having, maybe you tell him you're sad today, maybe you tell him you're lonely, it's your best friend's death anniversary, he sort of only engages with you at a surface level and he avoids anything deeper.
What emotional unavailability looks like:
- He's interested in getting your assets
- He's interested in getting your female resources
- He's interested in getting you to bed
- He will do all the nice romantic gestures at a surface level
Related: Why A Guy Gives Mixed Signals
The Critical Distinction
This is what you need to understand: It is not enough that a man offers you romance. What is important is that that romance and those romantic gestures are accompanied with emotional openness and availability, because that is what creates a real connection.
Just spoiling someone with flowers and diamonds and taking them for a ride in a Ferrari is not going to give you the kind of quality relationship that you're looking for.
For men with money, spending money on a woman, giving her diamonds, flying her in a private jet to a great location and vacation, if they're getting sex in return, is not a big deal. What becomes important is more meaningful connection, more fulfillment in your relationships, your health, your family.
These men who have a lot of money don't treat money as that important. They are able to spend it very easily. That is why, if as a woman you haven't healed your relationship with money and you over-prioritize money in a relationship and you deprioritize how a man makes you feel, you will often end up with emotionally unavailable men who will spend a lot on you, who will do all the grand romantic gestures, but they will pull back and withdraw and withhold when it comes to emotional connection. This is a huge red flag if you're a single woman or you're even in a partnership with a guy where you are wanting kids, family, a more formal and serious commitment, and this red flag is showing up. It's a bad sign.
Download my Feminine Energy Checklist, it will make it easy to always remember what's important and embody your feminine energy with ease.
As a high value woman, you should be able to use your empowered masculine energy in your career and work life, but when it comes to your love life, dating, and being in a partnership with your man, you want to use feminine energy and learn the art of receiving.
My relationship coaching for women programs are so powerful when it comes to issues like these. They give you all the scripts, all the strategies, methodologies, and mindsets that you need to adopt and display if you desire to attract a healthy masculine man and keep him in your life. You can find hundreds of success stories from my clients:
Inside my coaching program Elevate, we teach you how to handle various situations like this. You are not alone in going through this and ensure you get the best possible guidance. When we work with clients, we ensure the woman communicates in a high-value way.
Red Flag #3: Lack of Personal Responsibility
When a man lacks the capacity to take personal responsibility, it is a huge red flag.
This means that in any situation, he is unwilling to take a look at what part he played wrongly in that situation.
What this looks like:
- It's never his fault, it's always somebody else's fault
- If he's late, it was traffic
- If he forgot your birthday, it's because there is so much work stress
- If he didn't buy you a gift for the anniversary, it's because “don't you remember all I did last year?” and “why can't you ever be compassionate?”
This person will have a major problem saying: “I'm sorry I forgot. I take responsibility, and I will make it up to you.”
Related: How To Make A Man Worry About Losing You
Why This Pattern Destroys Relationships
It is very difficult to do life with a person who is not willing to take personal responsibility. You literally have to see this pattern two times, and I wouldn't give a third strike because it doesn't change.
People who always find the problem on the outside, who are never willing to take responsibility for their own behavior, are extremely difficult partners to be with. Everything is always somebody else's fault.
When everything is always somebody else's fault, we are also not in a growth mindset. We will never learn where we could do better, and so we will continue to show up in the same way inside the relationship dynamic, which of course is going to be difficult for you to handle as a woman. This is also applicable for women as well. It's not every time that it's the man's fault.
If you are dealing with somebody who's not willing to take personal responsibility, you are dealing with somebody who will never grow. We need to have the courage to look at ourselves and take responsibility for the parts within ourselves where we might be sabotaging our relationships, where we might be showing up in an unhelpful way inside dating or our relationship. Only through practicing that self-awareness can we practice new behaviors and make a real lasting shift, and transformation within ourselves, which will then give us new types of results in our relationships and bring the spark back.
You can Download my Feminine Energy Checklist, it will make it easy to always remember what's important and embody your feminine energy with ease.
Red Flag #4: Lack of Respect for Boundaries
How a man responds to your boundaries speaks volumes about how he's going to treat you inside a relationship.
When I draw a boundary, I'm always observing for how the other person reacts. Do they get defensive? Shut down? Take it personally? Or do they just go: “Thank you for letting me know. Thank you for being honest. Of course, I'm going to make sure that you feel comfortable. No problem.” When you muster the courage to speak your truth, muster the courage to ask for what you want, and the other person responds positively to it.
If a man is gaslighting your feelings, telling you that you're crazy, telling you you have too high standards, telling you you are high maintenance when you say “stop flirting with the waiter right in front of my eyes,” and he tells you you're controlling and insecure, that is a huge red flag.
Related: Awaken Your Feminine Power
Becoming a Feminine Queen TODAY
If you're ready to dive deeper into these concepts and completely transform how you show up in love, I'd love to support you. Through my best relationship and dating coaching methodology, I've helped countless women create the passionate, devoted partnerships they've always dreamed of.
The journey begins with my comprehensive Feminine Energy Checklist, a practical guide that will help you embody these principles daily and watch your relationship transform before your eyes. This feminine energy checklist contains 35 powerful reminders and practices that will help you show up as your most magnetic, irresistible self.
If you're looking for the best relationship coach for women or wondering which coach has the most results for attracting a loving relationship, I invite you to check out the thousands of success stories, marriages, and proposals emerging from my programs.
My strategies are practical and straightforward to implement versus having to meditate for 40 minutes or listen to long theoretical outdated lectures on feminine energy.
Download your Feminine Energy Checklist today and start experiencing the joy of being truly cherished and desired by your man.
Red Flag #5: Avoiding Future Talk and Development of Intimacy
The final red flag is avoiding future talk and the development of intimacy. This means they will, never introduce you to their family, to their friends, never talk about the future, avoid any commitment related talk. Two months in, four months in, six months in, you start sleeping together. No commitment is on the table. No commitment talk is on the table. No future talk is on the table. Huge red flag. He is not looking for anything serious.
The Truth About Serious Men
No smart man in his right mind will ever not talk about the future, not talk about commitment when he is serious about taking a woman off the market.
If a guy is not talking about the future fast enough, is not enmeshing you in his life, is not introducing you to his family and friends like two months down the line, this is a huge red flag, and I would not keep seeing such a person.
Related: The 5 Feminine Energy Secrets That Keep Him Coming Back
Remember: your time is precious, and you deserve a man who shows up with consistency, emotional availability, respect, and commitment from the very beginning.
Want more personalized support?
If this is calling you, make sure to book a call with us and inquire about the Elevate program. As a relationship and dating coach specializing in online relationship coaching and women's relationship coaching, I've helped thousands of high-achieving women find and keep extraordinary relationships.
Click here to book a free call with one of my trained relationship and dating coaches for women and join wait-list for Elevate.
Here's to feeling powerful and strong in your love life.
About the Author:
Sami Wunder is a leading dating and relationship coach specializing in women's relationship coaching and helping high-achieving women create lasting love. Through her online relationship coaching programs and relationship coaching for singles, she has guided over 19,000 women to find and keep extraordinary relationships with emotionally available, masculine men.