You’re having a perfectly good day, and then you see something on your newsfeed or receive a message that feels off, and suddenly there’s this yucky, intense feeling in your stomach.
And you can’t really point out what it is, so you carry on with your day as if nothing happened but you find that, that feeling still runs in your sub-conscious and bugs you and doesn’t just go away.
Anyone been there, ladies?
I bet you have. We all know what it feels like to be emotionally triggered. I for sure do.
In fact, I remember when I was a fresh student of this feminine energy work (which I now teach women like a pro, and help them build deep, incredible bonds with themselves and amazing men), I did all I could to AVOID feeling triggered.
You see, I couldn’t bear the emotional intensity triggers produce, with your heart beating fast and your chest feeling all tight and heavy.
Plus, triggers feel “bad”, and of course I didn’t want to feel bad.
So what did I do?
I dealt with my triggers by acting like they didn’t exist.
I did all I could to hide, hate, suppress, stifle, push down any feeling that felt “less than positive.”
A sad life that was, one without authentic expression or experience, with everything covered by a coat of sugar and half-felt happiness.
And as I narrate this to you, I want you to know that I have a lot of love and kindness for that girl I used to be.
In her world view, she thought she only had permission to feel happy and that something was wrong with her, if she felt “disappointed, alone, judged, lonely, not good enough” or any of that stuff that does not feel good.
She felt like she wasn’t allowed to feel the bad feelings, and, if she felt them, she was alone in her struggles and a damaged good.
As you can imagine, this was so exhausting. No matter how much mindset work I did and no matter how much I understood that I could choose my thoughts, the truth was that everything DID NOT FEEL ROSY on the inside, every single day.
It is not possible. It is not human.
It wasn’t until I learnt how to reframe my perspective around triggers, that I fully embraced the power of this work that I was doing, and used it to free myself and transform the life of my clients.
The Empowering Reframe Around Emotional Triggers
The most powerful reframe I teach my clients (and practice myself) when it comes to emotional triggers is to start seeing them as a gift vs. a curse, and to WELCOME them in your life.
Triggers are not an ugly monster you want to avoid, but an invitation from your inner world to go deeper into the cause of what’s really bothering you, and heal yourself in that process.
When investigated deeply, our emotional triggers are a powerful medium to develop a deeper, more fulfilling, more aware relationship with ourselves.
So now every time a trigger arises and “bad” feelings linger in my system, I take responsibility to go vertical within myself.
Taking Personal Responsibility
This is critical. Taking personal responsibility for our feelings is critical when we’re triggered, else we can fall into the trap of making an external person or event the source of our misery – which they aren’t.
They are responsible for stirring our feelings, yes – but not for the root cause of where those feelings come from.
Addressing the root cause of those negative feelings is what’s going to help us heal and feel better, not the act of projecting our stuff on someone else.
So here are the 3 steps I train my clients to work with, when an emotional trigger arises:
1. Acknowledge the trigger and the feelings.
“Yes, I see you, my bad and yucky feelings. I will not push you away and pretend like you don’t exist.”
2. Accept the feelings.
“I accept you are here. I don’t fight you or judge you. “
3. Asking deeper questions.
Get deeper with curiosity into the root cause of the trigger, and see if you can shift your perspective around what’s going on.
Here are some good, sample questions you can ask:
1. What exactly feels bad here?
2. Why does this feel bad?
3. Is it really that bad, or is it MY perspective that makes this feel so bad?
4. Can I question the perspective I am holding about this situation, and reframe it into a higher, better-feeling perspective?
5. How can I step into the shoes of the other person and see them from their point of view?
Yes, I hear you that when you’re pissed by your man or your date or what your coach or your girlfriend said to you about where you should “improve.”
Yes, I understand, and while they could definitely learn how to be more loving in their language towards you, how would it feel to go deeper within yourself and ask yourself why this feels so bad to you?
Do you feel judged? Were you judged as a little girl for not being or feeling good enough?
Do you feel like no matter how hard you try, you cant get it right?
Emotional triggers are the most ripe and powerful opportunity to look into the mirror and see what’s being triggered and heal ourselves in the process, always with love and compassion for our experience.
I have an in-depth, 90-minutes masterclass on this topic, in which I detail the three steps above with extensive practical examples, as well as add a crucial fourth step to the process. You can get the masterclass here.
If this resonated and you’d love to be more supported in your emotional journey as you navigate relationships and dating, then I invite you to also check out my group coaching program – Extraordinary LOVE Inner Circle 2018.
We are enrolling currently, and this program is hands-down, the most affordable way to work with me this year.
If you have questions about the program, you can shoot us an email on [email protected] and me or a member of my team will get back to you.