How To Deal With Anxiety About Moving In Together With Your Partner?

Do you have anxiety or fears about moving in with your boyfriend or fears of messing up the relationship when you live together?

You´re not alone.

In my experience coaching women inside Elevate , most of my high achieving clients have some version of this fear or anxiety. If you already have a good relationship, ‘moving in together’ can feel threatening to your nervous system. It represents change and you don’t want to change something that is good and already working. And yet, moving in and living together is a natural part of growing intimacy.

While I do not advise clients to move in with their partners before engagement, in certain circumstances, when a woman is not looking for marriage or engagement within a year, moving in together with the boyfriend is a healthy progression of the relationship that should be embraced with joy.

In this blog, I am going to give you four concrete tips on how you can deal with the anxiety and fears that come up around moving in with your boyfriend. These tips are pulled straight from my advanced relationship course ‘Soulmates Forever,’ which you´re welcome to dive into, if you are looking to go deeper into learning the skills that will keep the romance and spark alive.

So let us begin.
Moving in together with a partner is a different dynamic compared to just dating, or even being in a committed relationship but living apart. It is normal for fears and doubts to creep in, as you adjust to the new situation.

My biggest piece of advice is to remain the same person he first fell in love with.

This may sound simple, but very often I see women (even my smart and high-achieving clients) completely change when progressing into another stage of a relationship.

It’s like when we ‘get the guy,’ we feel like we can go back to our old, masculine and controlling habits and patterns.

This is where more mindfulness and self-awareness is required. The journey to self-development and deepening intimacy does not finish when we meet our person. It starts there.

Now as long as you stay mindful and don´t practice the eight C behaviors I teach inside Soulmates Forever, you should be fine.

Below I list some of these behaviors that you want to avoid, when living 24/7 with your boyfriend or partner.

moving in together

1) Do not ‘mother’ your man!

“Honey, it’s cold outside, don’t forget your scarf.”

“Have you taken your vitamins today, love?”

‘You´ve eaten too many carbs today and not enough protein.” 😀

We’ve all done it at some point, girlfriend – myself included. We´ve all slipped into a coddling role with a man we love and care about. Call it ‘motherly love’ or maternal instincts, our men don´t want to be the recipients of it.

And no matter what Dr. Freud might have told you, men do NOT want to be reminded of their mothers, in the woman they love.

So keep any mothering tendencies in check, and remember: he’s a grown man, an adult. If you can wear your jacket when it’s cold and take your vitamins, he can too.

Remember that if he was able to take care of himself so far – he will continue to do so now that you’re living together.

Here´s a video training on mothering that you´re welcome to watch on my YouTube channel and do subscribe to it as well.

2) Refrain from correcting him.

Just as men don’t like to be coddled, they hate being corrected! These are just two of the eight toxic behaviors I teach my clients in my program – Soulmates Forever – which you can grab here.

While moving in together, you will inevitably become aware of some habits of your boyfriend that you don’t agree with. Maybe he loads the dishwasher inefficiently, or maybe he over-tips the neighbor’s kid who mows his lawn. Still, annoying habits or even small ‘mistakes’ like this are not worth correcting a man over. As I teach my clients: pick your battles! If you must give your opinion or correct him, do it where it matters.

This is another lesson I teach in more detail in Soulmates Forever.

3) Let him do things for you!

It might be hard for us women to believe, but men fall in love – and STAY in love – by doing and giving to us, not the other way round.

So if during your dating period he was the one to drive and pick the restaurant and carry the groceries, let him continue to do so. Receive, receive and receive some more in your feminine energy.

Accept any help he offers, and appreciate him for the effort. Empowered masculine men love to make us women happy. Till today, my husband brings me flowers, gives me foot massages and opens the car door for me. All such sweet gestures that I have trained myself to receive. And honestly, it’s so fun too to be treated like such a queen!

4) Don’t chase him!

You’re an established couple, you’re moving in together – so it may look like the romantic ‘chase’ is over.

But it doesn’t have to be like that. If you want to keep the passion and intimacy and ‘chase’ alive, the first thing to do is not start chasing your man yourself!

I remember when my now-husband and I were moving in together right after becoming engaged. It’s a new and exciting experience to have him near all the time, that I sometimes ended up following him around the house from room to room like a puppy, always wanting to be around him. HA! Not attractive!

Instead, I recommend creating the space for your man to still pursue you (even in the same house! Continue to have your separate life, your own hobbies, your own friendships and activities that keep you entertained, even if your partner is busy. He will soon come looking for you, my love.

If you start by just keeping these simple things in mind, you not only avoid ‘messing up ‘ your relationship but also give it the best chance of progressing to engagement and marriage (if that is what you desire).

Soulmates Forever, my advanced program for women in relationships, with 8.5 hours of audio training and worksheets is a rave-reviewed, self-study program that you can download here. The program has helped thousands of women enhance the love and intimacy they experience in their relationships and marriages. I cover all aspects of what creates intimacy and attraction in a relationship including communication, connection, keeping things hot in the bedroom, discussing money, kids, goals and so much more.

Soulmates Forever is the best premarital and post-marital counseling program ever.

If you´re inspired to dive deeper, you can do so here.

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