I watch my eye glasses kept at a distance on the dressing table as I sit in bed and watch Netflix.
I know I “should” be wearing my eyeglasses when I use my computers else I risk weakening my eyes. But more than anything, I hate those headaches in the evening when it´s time to relax. They remind me that I did not wear my eye glasses during the day.
And while intellectually I know all this, yet, it feels so tempting to keep laying in bed and watch Netflix without the eye glasses.
So what do I do? I lie there.
One hour won´t make a difference, right?
And then that one hour turns to two, two turns to three (anybody who watches Bollywood in their leisure would know what I mean).
Result? The same.
Headache in the evening and a feeling of guilt.
“Why can´t I damn just be disciplined enough to wear my glasses when I watch TV or work with computers?”
In that moment of irritation, I forget that it´s insane to expect different results when we keep doing the same things.
So I reflect: Why is it so hard to just get up and do something self loving?
Why in spite of learning 200 definitions of what self love is and what it looks like and entails, do so many of us struggle practising it in our lives when it matters?
Here´s are the three key things I realised:
1) Self love is a habit and I don´t have this habit, so I must cultivate it.
Yes, I know I should do it. Yes, I know it´s good for me but it´s simply not in my zone of habits to think “spectacles” before getting at the computer.
I think of instant gratification and coffee, yes. I get excited to watch the movie, yes, but I don´t get excited to put on my spectacles. In fact, like I said before, I don´t even think about them.
But am I really so helpless that I cannot turn this around? Hell no!
This is where the power of cultivating good, self loving habits comes in. This is where I can carefully and mindfully cultivate the habit of first thinking spectacles before I sit at the computer.
So many solutions exist if I tune into them. I could make a space just for spectacles near my bed, near my working desk. I could buy spectacle strings and have my spectacles hang on my neck. I could put a sticker note on my computer – “Wear your spectacles.”
All amazing ideas as you can see and here´s the thing – now I must implement them and I feel lazy again to do that, which brings me to point number 2.
2) Doing of self love requires going through physical discomfort, which I want to avoid.
Self love takes actual doing.
There is a proper physical discomfort involved in putting my laptop down, pushing myself out of my cozy blanket and walking to the table to pick up the glasses.
There is also discomfort involved in making set spaces for the glasses, in going to Amazon and buying those spectacle strings and then placing the spectacles in them.
So yes, even though again I know I should be and could be doing all of this, I resist it.
I resist the “doing” of all of this. I resist the doing of self love.
I know it sounds exaggerated but it´s not. In that moment when it´s happening, the resistance is real as hell.
This is also true for you in the moment when you´re avoiding loving yourself in different ways. The physical discomfort for you could look different, but in spirit it remains the same – discomfort.
The physical discomfort of getting up and going to the gym and exercising to remain fit and love your body.
The physical discomfort of making yourself an online profile so that you can finally start dating.
The physical discomfort of FINALLY going to Sami´s website, clicking that button and downloading the program you promised yourself to download long before.
The physical discomfort of actually listening to that program and doing what it asks you to do.
Self love, requires you to DO and to do you must go through physical discomfort of doing it. If you wait to “feel like it,” you’re never going to do it.
3. You will never “feel” like doing it.
Since discomfort is involved in activities that involve self love and growth, you will hardly ever reach that feeling of “I want to do this.”
You may actually waste a lot of time and precious years staying stuck and waiting to “feel like doing something.”
The secret to practising and cultivating self love, then, is to just do it.
Just do that thing that you know is good for you, will serve you and push through that discomfort.
The good news is that it gets easier. Just like starting rotational dating is hard, but once you start doing it, you can´t ever go back to obsessing with one man that isn´t giving you what you desire and deserve.
It feels hard at the start but it gets better, and then you reach a point where you start LOVING the new habits and they become your new normal.
And through that, you constantly keep up-levelling.
Just like I do.
Time to get those glasses and watch my movie.
You go do what´s self loving for you and if you´re new to the Wunder World, start with my Date Like A Diva video training program to gather the tools that will show you what you must DO in the dating world to be courted by amazing men who acknowledge and love you for who you are.