Do you feel like things are beginning to fall apart in your relationship with your partner and that your relationship is in trouble?
Are the arguments and fights escalating, and you’re not sure anymore how to get of that negative cycle? Maybe his attention is withdrawn or he’s more irritable and less affectionate.
Well, you’re not alone. Many relationships and marriages go through a “rough patch”! I still remember how, after our son Aaron was born, Chris and I too had a rough patch for a few weeks, with all the sleepless nights and responsibilities that come with having a baby. And, just like we could navigate out of it, you can do it too.
In today’s blog post, I reveal the top 3 most common reasons why couples end up in a situation where there is breakdown of intimacy, affection and connection in the couple.
As a follow up, next time I will then be sharing the specific DOs and DON’Ts for when your relationship is in trouble, so that you can take action and bring that juicy, precious marriage or committed relationship of yours, back on the diva track!
Top 3 Reasons Why A Relationship Is In Trouble
Out of the million possible reasons why a couple can get to the point where their relationship is in trouble or on the verge of a breakdown, here are the most common and dangerous ones, that I’ve identified in my experience as a leading love expert and having helped hundreds of my clients save their marriages and relationships through my group coaching programs like the Inner Circle Extraordinary Love.
Reason #1: The Woman Is In Her Masculine Energy
Romantic relationships operate on the polarity of energies: masculine energy and feminine energy. The more masculine a woman gets in her marriage or in her relationship, the more feminine her man becomes.
Of course, this is accidental. No woman tries to destroy her marriage or tries to be masculine on purpose.
Maybe during the dating phase, you were easily leaning back in your feminine energy and all the tools you learned from my programs for dating. But over time, we can slip back into our old masculine ways and become again the woman wearing the pants in the relationship.
While this “take charge” attitude is great for work and business, in your love life, it is not your best friend. The habits and behaviours that come along with masculine energy mostly emasculate your man and push him away.
Being more in your masculine energy can look like over-giving to your man, mothering him, lecturing him and starting to control him and his decisions, more and more. As you try to be the “in charge” woman in the relationship, the 8 slow poison behaviours that I teach in Soulmates Forever start making their way in, and that’s when the real danger that the relationship is in trouble emerges.
And, in my experience, your partner will at first fight and resist this development for some time, but after a point, he will choose peace over conflict and just accept the status quo.
However, with this acceptance of him wearing the skirt and you wearing the pants in the relationship, a healthy masculine man will start losing his attraction for you. Now, this is where the sex starts drying up, the romance disappears, and frustrations escalate.
You and your man get more and more disconnected with each other, and before you know it, your relationship is in trouble.
In my experience, having seen and served thousands of women by now, this cycle, started by the woman being in her masculine energy too much, is the most common reason for relationships and marriages breaking down.
However, it is also the easiest to turn around, once you learn how to get back to your feminine essence in your partnership with your man.
In Soulmates Forever, my advanced audio program for committed relationships, I explain in detail how to avoid the toxic relationship behaviours, and instead how to navigate romantic partnerships with feminine grace to bring your man close. This program also teaches you exactly how much you can give and do and be in your masculine in your relationship in a healthy way, so that you keep the balance and you never have to worry again that your relationship is in trouble. The program with its 8 hours plus of audio content, also tackles sex, communication and managing kids and finances like a team.
Reason #2: Unmet Needs & Suppression Of Emotions
Now, if you’ve been feeling that your relationship is in trouble, I can bet that you have certain needs that you have not been communicating to your man. And in turn, maybe he has certain needs that he has not been communicating towards you.
What I’ve seen is that, overtime, when our needs are not adequately communicated, the emotional suppression builds up, and both parties end up sitting on top of a pile of resentment and unexpressed feelings, because they are both afraid of shaking the boat or they may have started to feel like it doesn’t even matter what they say.
This is why I teach my clients (amazing, lovely women like yourself) efficient ways of expressing their needs and feelings, in due time, and in a way that their man can hear them.
The Speak To His Heart video program covers over 50 practical scripts you can adapt for the most common romantic relationship situations, and also gives you a general template on when to speak up and when not to speak, and how exactly to express yourself with respect to your man.
This is crucial in order to reach his heart, be heard, and inspire him to meet your needs. Ideally, this is something to learn and apply before you get to the point when your relationship is in trouble.
In fact, suppressing your emotions is such a big risk, that I often tell my clients that even fighting is better than stuffing your truth and resentment down!
While fighting isn’t necessary, and Chris and I don’t fight that often, fighting fair with your partner, when needed, allows frustrations to be aired out and keeps the emotion / juice alive in your relationship. It is not something you want to be scared of.
Resentment is the slow death of a relationship because, when you feel resentful and get quiet, you slowly start to disconnect with your man. You don’t feel safe with him anymore, and this gets the overall relationship dynamic in trouble because, when we don’t get our needs met at home, we start looking to meet them outside.
How To Avoid Or Remedy This If Your Relationship Is In Trouble?
I always tell my clients that, as women, we are the emotional leaders in the relationship. If your man is not opening up emotionally to you, there is a high likelihood that you, too, are shut down in the relationship.
To remedy or avoid this in the first place, in my Soulmates Forever advanced program, I teach how to be the Guarding Angel of your marriage or relationship. The powerful tools in this program have worked time and time again to bring the juice, the emotion, the feeling full power in hundreds of relationships.
Reason #3: The Cycle Of Blame & Lack Of Personal Responsibility
What do I mean by a cycle blame and no personal responsibility in a relationship?
If you are constantly angry and focused on what your man is doing wrong, then you are in blame energy. Someone else is wrong, someone else is to blame. He’s the one at fault and he’s the one responsible for your relationship being in trouble.
But here’s the thing – If we are always making a man wrong and are perpetually unhappy with him, he can start to feel like he can never get anything “right”. This is a dangerous emotional zone for a man to be in, because this is where he starts to lose motivation to make the relationship work.
He’s doesn’t feel good enough (or “man enough”) around you and he feels like, no matter what he does, he cannot win anyway, so why even try?
This lack of motivation on a man’s part starts the cycle of fading attraction and disconnect, and again leads to a situation where you relationship is in trouble.
Now, the second element of this is that, where there is a cycle of blame, there is also no personal responsibility.
It is easy to point fingers at our men, but it is hard to take a look at ourselves and how we, too, have been contributing to the breakdown of our marriage and relationship.
This is why, here in the Wunder world, we always say: do the inner work. Invest in yourself. Download the programs, work with the programs. That’s where the knowledge is and that’s where your power to course correct the situation lies.
Unfortunately, when we’re in this closed off blaming stage, it can be hard to stop and focus on ourselves instead. Women often tell me, “Sami, why should I do the work? Why doesn’t he do the work?”
I hear you, loves, and yet, and you can waste several precious years of your life while saying that, and not doing anything to improve your relationship or your own happiness.
That’s why taking personal responsibility can change everything.
When your relationship is in trouble, stop blaming (your man or yourself) and instead look for the solutions. That’s called constructively using your energy.
Let me know in the comments if this felt helpful and which reason resonated with you the most!
In my next article here on the blog, we will be addressing what to do (and what never to do) to turn things around and save your precious marriage or committed partnership.
Love, Sami xoxo