Do you have that weird feeling in your belly that something is off in your relationship? If you have a suspicion that he's lying or cheating, believe me, you are not “just insecure.” As a relationship coach who has worked with thousands of women, I can tell you that your intuition is one of the most powerful tools you have in a relationship.
In this article I want to give you the 7 signs that he is lying or cheating and what to do about it.
One important note before we dive in: if you see more than one sign in the same person that should give you a much clearer confirmation that something serious is going on and that you need to address it with him.
Why Men Lie and Cheat in Relationships (The Real Reason)
Cheating is never justified. Full stop.
But as a dating coach for women who has helped over 1,100 women rebuild and transform their love lives, I've seen that infidelity rarely comes out of nowhere. In many cases (not all, but many), it happens when emotional connection in the relationship has broken down.
When a man no longer feels emotionally close to his partner, when he doesn't feel seen, appreciated, or connected, he becomes vulnerable. That vulnerability doesn't make cheating okay. But understanding it puts you in a position of power, because it means there are things within your control.
There are also, of course, men who cheat regardless of how amazing their partner is, these men are addicted to the chase, to the validation, to the thrill. That's a different situation, and one where the only healthy answer is to walk away from such a relationship.
But for many women reading this, the truth is somewhere in the middle. And that's exactly why this article matters.
Sign #1: He Becomes Overtly Defensive
The first sign that a man is cheating or lying to you is when he becomes overtly defensive.
This means that when you ask a very simple, very normal question, like “Honey, what time will you come back?” or “How long are you going to be at work today?”, he blows up on you. Or you notice he's dressed up nicely, you ask where he's going, and he goes mad at you.
In a normal, healthy relationship, it should be completely okay to ask when he's coming back, where he's going, or how long he'll be from work. These are not threatening questions. When he reacts with anger to simple questions like these, it's because he's feeling an internal guilt and hiding something from you.
Why does he get defensive when you ask questions? Because the question triggers his guilt. That's your first red flag.
Related: Is He The One? Red Flags You Should Never Ignore
Sign #2: His Details Are Inconsistent
The second sign that a man is lying or cheating is when his details are inconsistent.
A liar finds it hard to be consistent on the details and stories he's telling you. For example: one day he says he came back late because he had a party with his friends, but a week later he references that same night as a work meeting with a colleague. Something doesn't add up.
If you are noticing inconsistencies in facts and details, don't ignore them. Those details could actually be telling you that something is going on. This is one of the clearest early signs of cheating in a relationship: the stories keep shifting because he's managing more than one version of the truth.
Sign #3: There's a Change in His Phone Habits
The third sign that a man is lying or cheating is when you notice a change in his phone habits.
If there's another romantic interest in the picture that your partner is keeping from you, that woman is most likely interacting with him on his phone. So if you see a sudden change, like he changes his password, sets up a new PIN he didn't have before, becomes secretive about who he's talking to, is constantly paranoid about where his phone is, and doesn't want you anywhere near it, this could be a sign that something is going on.
What does it mean when a man hides his phone? It means he's protecting something he doesn't want you to see.
One of my relationship coaching clients inside my high-touch group coaching program Elevate noticed exactly this shift in her partner. When she finally had the courage to address it, using the communication tools from our online relationship coaching program, she discovered he wasn't having a physical affair, but was emotionally having deeper conversations with a woman from his workplace. The program helped her embrace her feelings, embrace her vulnerability, and sit with her partner to go through this discomfort together. What came out was powerful: he admitted he never felt emotionally close to her, and that how she was showing up in the relationship was actually pushing him away.
That's the difference between emotional cheating and physical cheating and both need to be addressed.
Elevate is currently open for enrollment. It’s the world’s most trusted online coaching program for partnered professional women who want to heal the connection in their marriages or relationships and feel deeply connected, desired and passionate with their men. Click below to join Elevate today, or book a complimentary call with one of my senior coaches.
Sign #4: He Becomes Emotionally Less Available
The fourth sign is when he becomes emotionally less available.
Maybe your partner used to be genuinely interested in how your day was, how your career was going, what was exciting in your life. And now he seems more emotionally distant, he has gone from being emotionally interested to being disinterested and aloof.
This could mean one of two things: either he is losing that emotional connection with you, or there could be somebody else in his life that he is giving that emotional energy and attention to. Either way, this shift is not something to overlook. It's one of the most painful signs because it creeps in slowly, until one day you realize you feel completely alone in the relationship.
Related: In love with an emotionally unavailable man? Here is what to do.
Sign #5: He Accuses You of Lying or Cheating
The fifth sign that a man is lying or cheating is when he accuses you of lying and cheating.
There is a well-known explanation in psychology: often when we're doing something wrong, our whole body is full of that recognition, that guilt. And so what a man will do in this scenario is accuse you of being unfaithful, accuse you of enjoying other men's attention, accuse you of cheating. And you'll just go in your head like: What the hell? Where is this coming from?
If your partner has suddenly started accusing you of that, as a sudden change in his behavior, it is unfortunately likely that this is going on for him, because that is exactly why he is bringing up this topic out of nowhere.
Sign #6: He Has Unexplained Expenses
The sixth sign is when he has unexplained expenses.
If you start to see that he's suddenly buying a Chanel perfume you never received as a gift, or there are outings to fancy restaurants that you never accompanied him to, and that could unfortunately be a sign that he's being secretive and hiding the presence of another woman in your life.
Now, this is something you need to address with him with an open mind. Sometimes when you address these things, he will have a reasonable explanation. Don't go in with judgment and attack. You have to be emotionally intelligent in this situation. Going in and attacking him is not going to help either of you.
We work on these situations and practice feminine communication in my coaching program Elevate, which is enrolling right now. As a dating coach for women, I always say: if there was steak at home, why would he go out and eat a hamburger? The fact that he's going out means his needs are not being met within the relationship. That doesn't justify cheating, cheating is never the right response to an unhappy relationship, but it does mean there's work to be done.
If you feel you need more personalized support, book a complimentary call with one of my trained relationship coaches for women here. Just look at the amazing results my clients get:
Sign #7: Your Gut Says Something Is Off
The seventh sign (and really the most important) is when your intuition, your gut reaction, is saying something's off.
If that feeling in your belly is saying something's off, something's off, something's off — don't just call it insecurity. Very often when women feel that uneasy feeling, men want to dismiss them as being insecure. But I know so many women in our relationship coaching programs who said: “My gut feeling was always strong that he was lying and cheating, and I ignored it because he told me I was just insecure.”
He didn't have the words to say: “I'm not feeling emotionally attracted to you. We need to do something about our relationship.” So instead, men give you the feedback: “Stop being insecure.”
It is up to you to ask yourself honestly: Am I really being insecure, or is it true that something is genuinely off here?
Related: When A Man Pulls Away: What High-Value Women Do
What to Do If You're Seeing These Signs
If you've gone through all seven signs and feel like something is up, then you need to address it with him. You cannot walk on eggshells in a relationship. If you hold yourself back from having this conversation, you're putting a Band-Aid on the wound. And one day you'll have to rip that Band-Aid off, and the wound is going to really hurt.
Find the courage to talk about it. Approach it with emotional intelligence, not judgment. And remember: there is help and it’s available for you. There are things you can do as a woman to bring your man closer, heal your relationship, and rebuild that emotional attraction.
You deserve honesty. You deserve clarity. And most of all you deserve a love that doesn't make you feel like something is off.
Want more personalized support?
If this is calling you, make sure to book a call with us and inquire about the Elevate program. As a relationship and dating coach specializing in online relationship coaching and women's relationship coaching, I've helped thousands of high-achieving women find and keep extraordinary relationships.
Click here to book a free call with one of my trained relationship and dating coaches for women and join wait-list for Elevate.
Here's to feeling powerful and strong in your love life.
About the Author:
Sami Wunder is a leading dating and relationship coach specializing in women's relationship coaching and helping high-achieving women create lasting love. Through her online relationship coaching programs and relationship coaching for singles, she has guided over 19,000 women to find and keep extraordinary relationships with emotionally available, masculine men.