Hello Wunda Diva,
Have you ever met a great guy on a dating app in early dating, which you then chatted and texted with, had great conversation with, but then he didn’t even ask you out? And that made you feel deflated?
Quite possibly, you felt really connected with a guy on a first date during early dating. Perhaps he felt perfect, marked off all of your checklist boxes and treated you great.
You both had a great connection and laughs. You thought the date actually went really well but when you came home, the first day passed, the second day passed…
And you heard NOTHING from him…
You didn’t hear, “it was great to see you,” and of course, no invitation for any further date. How did THAT feel? That again felt, deflating and discouraging. It reminded you, perhaps, of all the other dates you’ve been on that also did not materialise.
Now, maybe you’ve gone on a couple of dates and you feel like this IS your person. He is the one for you. You know, that feeling of excitement and butterflies in your belly? Feeling like, “Oh my gosh, thank God. Now I don’t have to go on another dating app. I feel like I’ve found the person, he meets me at all these levels. He’s also asking me out and he’s a wonderful communicator. He meets all of my requirements and my checklist. Then you go out for a couple of dates, until eventually you stop hearing from him. A week passes and you recognize, “wow, I’ve again been ghosted!
This person, who was doing everything right, has AGAIN ghosted on me!”
Another example would be when you’ve met this great guy and yet you can feel like his energy is withdrawing. You can feel that fear in the pit of your stomach, “Is he going to disappear on me again?”
“Oh my goodness, please do not put me through that pain again.”
It also could be that you’ve been in the sad situation where you met a guy, things were great, he was saying all of the right things and then you see him online on the apps, on messenger, or Whatsapp all of the time but he never writes to you. THEN you show up at your friend’s party and he’s there, but with another woman.
Now, it does not matter what your situation is, if you relate with the feelings of what the situation brings up for you, then you will see that early dating feels like a minefield of negative emotions and triggers for us women.
You repeatedly feel REJECTION, DISAPPOINTMENT, feeling that you are not good enough, feeling like the same old pattern keeps repeating for you when it comes to men you like, men who you like don’t like you back, men you don’t give two hoots about are always chasing you. You are just feeling SO tired. So tired of trying to master your interactions with men in early dating.
If you are going through one or all of these situations, you have been dating the wrong type of guy for you. Your ego may tell you, “Oh no Sami, he was really the right person for you.”
But here’s the thing, when a man disappears on you, when a man ghosts you, when a man doesn’t ask you out on another date, when a man leaves you hanging in conversation, when a man actually chooses to bring another woman to the party rather than you, he is, by definition, NOT the right person for you.
I want this to really land because, with the right person, you’re not going to feel rejection, disappointment or pain. You won’t feel not good enough or feel unsure about where you stand with him. The problem, in early dating, is not that you’re not good enough, and it’s not that you don’t have what it takes to bring in your soulmate.
The number one attitude you need to master as a Wunder Diva, is the attitude of non-attachment.
So many of you tend to project and fantasise, when you meet good men, even though they may not be YOUR person.
While it’s a great thing to be vulnerable and to be attached to the right man, attaching yourself in early dating to the WRONG man, is going to make the process of dating even harder. It’s going to derail you multiple times in the dating process, because you’re going to keep giving your heart out to the wrong man. You’re going to keep getting disappointed, and I know what it means to feel disappointed. When we feel disappointed, we tend to want to take a break, want to focus ourselves, and so in doing that, we may be wasting MONTHS, weeks, and sometimes even YEARS of our precious time.
You may be wondering, right now in your head, “Sami, you explain that when we get attached, we invite pain, especially when we get attached to the wrong person. And if that is the case, then how do I attach to the RIGHT person? How do I know that this person is the right person for me, especially when, in the beginning, men are coming with all of the right words, all of the right gestures, and it can be so hard?” The little girl inside of you just wants to give your whole heart to him and get attached. I know it because I’ve been there and because I’ve been doing this for over seven years and have a terrific record of helping women, like you, walk down the aisle. Hundreds of clients have succeeded using my Wunder Soulmate Attraction method, so you can trust, I know how this feels.
And yet, here’s the truth, there is just no way to know whether a man is the right person for you or not, EARLY ON IN THE DATING PROCESS.
In other words, a man can say all of the right things, do all of the right things, and he still may be just coming for sex, or he may still be just looking for something for now, not for forever.
If you’re in your late 30’s, or in your early 40’s, and you’re really looking to settle down and have a family, then it is in your best interest to understand that the right person only gets revealed over time.
There is just NO way somebody can predict whether a man is the right person for you on date one, date two, or even date three. He may end up being the right person but, that’s not the attitude that you want to adopt in early dating and by early dating, I mean, from dates one to five.
So what is your best bet?
Your best bet, as I teach my clients in Leap into Love, is to show up DETACHED.
Don’t give a meaning to anything that’s happening, enjoy what’s happening, and receive what’s happening. Let the man show you who he is and what he can offer you over a period of time. There are some of you right now, who are reading this, and you feel it has helped you, and you may be wondering how can you practise more detachment to men, detachment to outcomes in early dating, (so that you’re not getting over-emotional, losing your precious time, and attaching yourself to the wrong men.)
Inside Leap into Love, I help you with a tangible, nuts and bolts strategy on how you can date with a healthy level of detachment. We get into how it’s possible to have an open heart, to enjoy all of the goodies that men have to offer you, AND still be able to hold your personal power inside of yourself and not let ANY man rule the roost or make you feel like you’re dependent on him for emotional approval and emotional validation in early dating.
For those of you who want to learn my Six Step Soulmate Attraction Method, I’m so excited to invite you to Leap into Love. Leap into Love is my most advanced, inner work program for single, professional, career-driven women who are looking to heal their energy when it comes to dating. We also get into learning the strategies that are going to help you feel confident and date like a diva, all the way from early dating to mid-level dating, to getting the ring and the commitment you desire (not one more dating app in your future!)