I have to confess I am quite the Christmas freak.
I love being close to the family, enjoy setting up our real Christmas tree with real candles and love, love, love unwrapping my presents under the Christmas tree.
While Christmas is the time for all these goody, goody things, if you are just dating a man or in a new relationship, Christmas can also be a time for some nervousness and doubt.
Here is Mika’s question to me on my blog. She is feeling nervous about what she should be giving as a present for Christmas to the man who she’s been dating only for a few months.
“Hi Sami. My question is about giving to a man. As its Christmas and I’ve been freshly dating a man for a few months, I hadn’t intended on buying him anything as this is masculine. Is that right? However, he’s told me that he’s bought me a Christmas gift and so I feel compelled to get him something in return. It’s making me feel stressed as to what’s an appropriate gift and what would be too much to give or too masculine. Can you help? What’s the key to gift giving and staying feminine? Thanks. Mika”
I can so relate to your anxiety around this.
This topic used to trouble me even after marriage because my hubby would get me SO many presents and there I sat, without anything for him in my attempt to “not to be masculine.”
Very odd as you can imagine and not the right way to go either because it feels so staged and forcefully artificial! Doesn’t it?
Of course, today I know better than that, thanks to my job 🙂
In this article I decided to break down all the possible situations in which you can be with a man and whether or not you should get him a present at that stage of your relationship. I also take up “what” kind of presents you could get him so that you get to stay in your feminine energy without holding back your urge to do something nice for him too.
Situation 1: Just Dating < 1 month
If you have just been dating a guy for less than a month, there is no need to bring him a present.
This is way too early in the relationship timeline to play give and take. This is the time for you to receive and receive with joy and without guilt from a man who is trying to win your heart.
It’s his job to impress you and delight you with a surprise Christmas present. You are in no relationship with him to return that favor.
So if he gets you a present, light up and say a heartfelt thank you. If he asks you where his present is – give him a squishy hug !
That should do it! Easy!
If he doesn’t get you any present, it should be okay too since you are both just dating!
Situation 2: Dating > 1 Month But Not Exclusive
This is a tricky situation for many women.
You have been dating the man, regularly and consistently for sometime now but you don’t know if you should get him a present since that would be pretty masculine. Right?
My recommendation in this situation is to get him one present, small and personal.
A packet of baked cookies may be or a Christmas santa decoration or a funny looking Gladiator showpiece for him to decorate on his shelf (I gave my hubby this!)
Something funny and light is the point so that you stay in your feminine. Nothing expensive or too precious where you try to show off the cost of the present or how “much” you care for him – that would be stepping into very “giving” masculine energy.
Many women find this recommendation odd because they want to make their boyfriend happy by “showering him” with love and attention.
Firstly, it’s not your job to treat him like a “boyfriend” at this stage of dating and please remember he is “not” your boyfriend if the exclusivity talk has not taken place between the two of you.
If you don’t know what I am referring to here with the exclusivity talk, please grab my Diva Dating Toolkit and read my super digestible E-book over the holidays. You can always thank me later 🙂
Also another practical tip to save you from potential disappointment –
If he doesn’t have a present for you (and sometimes that CAN happen when the man is not as far as you on the commitment timeline – Again read the e-book to understand a man’s commitment timeline!), I wouldn’t want you to be the only side giving the present.
Hence make sure you save your little present in your purse till he takes out something to give to you first. If he doesn’t have a present for you, take that present back with you in the purse!
Mika, in your case, since you already know he has a present for you, just get him something small, sweet and inexpensive. That’s perfectly feminine and will make you feel at a good place within yourself, when with him.
Situation 3 - Committed Relationships & Married Couples
You and your man are in a secure and committed relationship.
Please bring him one or two nice presents. Don’t hold back in fulfilling a wish if has openly asked you for something. Provided of course that you can comfortably afford it.
If it’s outside your budget, don’t feel afraid to speak up.
The only thing women in committed relationships need to watch out for is keeping the “giving energy“ in control.
You don’t want to “out do” your man when it comes to the presents section on Christmas.
This means that –
A) You don’t want your presents for him to be more expensive than his presents for you (EVEN IF you earn more than him)
B) You don’t want them to exceed the quantity of presents he has for you.
The whole idea of being in feminine while giving to him is to allow him to give you more.
Let him feel like he can make you happy and he will value you so much for giving him that experience!
I hope this helps you Mika and all of you reading this.
That will be all from me for the holidays for now. I am off for my Christmas vacation starting tomorrow. I wish you a blessed time with your loved ones and hope that you never forget during these moments of festivities how precious and miraculously unique you are.
All my love & Merry Christmas,
P.S. – Want to stay in closer touch with me? Join my amazing Wunder Divas on my private, confidential and super soulful Facebook group on – https://www.facebook.com/groups/wunderdivas