Recently, a leading daily in the United Kingdom published an article about rotational dating that misrepresented my views and went viral on the internet. It must be understood once and for all what rotational dating is and what it’s not. Mostly, I want to make it clear that rotational dating is not about sleeping with multiple men.
It is about getting to know men, spending time with many men, and only offering your exclusivity and commitment to a man who is ready to offer you the same commitment in return. Rotational dating is, and will continue to be, one of the most powerful ways a single woman can date and meet the love of her life quickly.
This article explains the concept in detail and busts any myths or confusion that might surround it.
So, What Is Rotational Dating?
The concept of rotational dating, simply put, is the idea of dating more than one guy at the same time, till you have found that one man who offers you the commitment you desire.
You get to decide what that commitment looks like for you. It could be a man asking you to be his girlfriend, it could be a man asking you to be his wife, or it could be the two of you deciding to buy a house together.
Until you have that kind of commitment you desire and that makes you feel safe in the love of a man, you are allowed to keep your options open, and go on with what I call non-sexual, “connection dates” with many men.
What Are Connection Dates?
Connection dates are all about meeting different men, to evaluate compatibility and assessing if there is a match in wavelength and frequency with the man in question.
Cinema dates, walks in the park, coffee dates, visits to the museums or exhibitions with your new date prospect are all great examples of connection dates.
You chat with these men, you get to know them by spending time with them, and, for as much as possible, you avoid getting into the sexual zone with any of them.
This gives you the time needed to make up your mind about the man who is the best fit for you in the long term, without getting blindsided by quick sexual chemistry.
Why Rotational Dating?
The benefits of rotational dating for single women are countless.
1) It Prevents You From Focusing Too Much On A Man You’re Just Getting To Know.
The process of dating is about getting to know men. It’s not about jumping into quick, instant, imaginary relationships with every man who comes your way.
As simple as this may sound, when you meet a man you really like, there’s a part of you that tends to get hyper-focused on him.
“When will he text next? When will he call next? Does he like me? Why hasn’t he wished me on Valentine’s Day?”
Before you know, you start to lose yourself in him, and he becomes the centre of your world and the protagonist of your girlie gossip.
It doesn’t even matter if he’s asked you for exclusivity or not. You start to treat him like your boyfriend and give him all the privileges, even though he doesn’t treat you like his girlfriend. You shut down all your options and get prematurely invested.
Does this end well? Usually not, in my experience and in the experience of my clients.
Everyday, I receive countless emails from women who are over-invested in a man that is not equally invested in them. This results in all kinds of heart-breaking experiences for these women, with men ghosting on them on the two month mark or telling them they can’t give them what they want.
This is the kind of damage that laser focus on one man can do to a woman.
Rotational Dating helps to counter this tendency, by automatically reducing the focus a woman has on any one man in her pool of daters, until a man steps up to claim her and offer her the solid commitment she desires. Till that happens, she’s just “dating.”
When you get texts from Robert, Paul and Peter, you’re much less likely to obsess with why Peter isn’t messaging. Robert and Paul seem more suited for you since they’re actively pursuing you.
This is how rotational dating prevents a woman from going down the obsessive road for a man or emotionally over-investing in a man who might not be that much into her.
2) It Helps You Experience The Whole Range Of Men.
When you settle down with the first man that comes your way and try to make it work with him, you’re missing out on experiencing the whole range of other types of men that exist out there and could offer you the kind of partnership you’re looking for.
Rotational dating, in that sense, expands your horizons by showing you the wonderful options that exist for you. For instance, if you’ve always thought that only “bankers” are your “type of men,” you might be surprised when you find artists and authors attractive as well.
This is how rotational dating can open your heart and challenge your inner beliefs, and actually turn you into a richer woman by getting to know men of diverse backgrounds, professions and interests.
3) It Saves You Months Or Even Years Of Your Life.
Every time a relationship doesn’t work out, you waste 6 months, to sometimes 6 years, of your life.
When you rotational date, you don’t settle down with any one man so quickly, unless he’s willing to offer you the level of commitment you want, to feel safe and cherished in your relationship.
This means no more wasted years or months on a man who is not ready or willing to give you what you desire.
4) It Keeps Your Diva Vibe High.
As a woman, you want to always remember that you’re a desirable, worthy and a supremely precious creature. In love, as I often say in my work, you are the prize a man wants to win.
When you focus on one man who is not giving you the attention and affection you desire, your vibe goes down. Your insecurities start to surface, and you ask yourself if you’re not pretty enough, or good enough for him. This sets into motion a downward spiral in the relationship, that is hard to shake out off. You push him for more, he withdraws, you push even harder.
Of course, it doesn’t work, but worse still, it kills your confidence and your belief in your own worthiness.
On the other hand, when you rotational date, you will have a pool of high quality suitors around you, reminding you every day that you’re a beautiful, mesmerizing goddess, worthy of the highest respect, affection and adoration.
In other words, rotational dating is one of the most powerful ways of feeding your self-esteem, because it gives you real life proof of your desirability.
5) The Best Man For You Wins.
When you rotational date, the low-effort men will fall out of your dating pool rather quickly.
The first and most obvious category of low-effort men is the men who are only looking for quick sex or hook-ups. They will see that you’re not an easy cake and won’t sleep with them or fall for them so quickly.
Another type is the men who are looking for an instant relationship in order to have someone take care of them. They want a low-maintenance “mommy” who coddles them, and will not put in the effort to take you out on dates and activities. If you rotational date, instead of falling into a care-taker, “over-giving” role for this one man, you will instead shift your attention to the other men who ARE courting you properly.
Moreover, since you have many examples of men, you will be able to observe how each of them treats you, and more easily identify red flags, emotionally unavailable men, commitmentphobes, narcissists, or abusers.
This means that only the best men will be left in your pool: the men who are willing to wait out with the sex, the men who are healthy-minded, the men who treat you right, the men who are ready for the commitment a real relationship needs.
Over time, the best man will step up from your pool and commit to you, and this is the man you want to give your privileges to. It’s a real win-win.
Now that you’ve read so many benefits of what rotational dating is and what its benefits are, let’s look at what it is not.
What Rotational Dating Is Not
So, let’s clear the misunderstanding once and for all:
1) Rotational Dating Is NOT Rotational Sleeping With Multiple Men.
Quite the opposite, actually.
Connection dates, by definition, are non-sexual dates, designed to get to know a man (many men), in the context of finding true, soulmate love.
My entire stance on sex in dating is actually rather conservative, and I largely advice women to hold out with the sex at least until the three month mark of knowing and seeing man. If you can hold out longer, even better.
This kind of non-sexual way of connecting with a man allows for an emotional bond to develop before physical intimacy happens, and gives the relationship a much higher chance of lasting.
That being said, I don’t condone the view that there IS any kind of problem with women having multiple sexual partners. On the contrary, I never judge those who can deal with casual intimacy like a rockstar.
As a coach, I simply advise against early sex because of the detrimental effect that chemistry and “hormonal attachment” have on most women.
2) Rotational Dating Is NOT A Way To Manipulate A Man Into Commitment
You cannot use rotational dating with the agenda of “making” a man commit to you. In fact, no healthy man on the planet responds to manipulation.
Rotational dating must be done for you, to keep your own vibe high. You must always stay connected to the fact that rotational dating helps you choose the best man by preventing you from getting over-attached to someone who might not be the best man for you.
When you rotational date, there are no games, no pressure, and no ultimatums. This free us BOTH the woman and the man to create a healthy, long-lasting connection, and allows everyone involved to only choose the partner, the relationship and the commitment level that is a good fit for them.
Rotational Dating For Women From Conservative Cultures
I always feel surprised when someone comments on the idea of rotational dating as being too liberal, too modern or too “forward.”
It is none of those things.
If anything, rotational dating is even more “conservative” dating than the normal urban dating process.
When you genuinely go out for connection dates and with the intention of getting to know a man and not with the intention of instantly jumping into bed with him, you’re dating the old school way. You don’t feel obliged to give your body to a man just because he paid for your dinner, and you’re not trying to use sex in order to “get” a man. You just keep your heart and mind open to all kinds of men, and are open to the best outcome for yourself and for the man in question.
Rotational dating is women’s empowerment in love and, when done right, it is the most powerfully effective AND fair way of dating, that propels you much faster towards the love of your life, sans the confusion, drama and heartbreak.
If you’re keen on diving in deeper into the logistics of rotational dating along with learning how to show up as a high-value woman in the process of finding your soulmate love, then check out my Date Like A Diva video training program, with over 4.5 hours of video trainings and worksheets to help you master the system of dating I teach, and that brings excellent results to my clients.
“Sami, I am engaged to the man of my dreams! I have been following your dating system for over a year and it’s not for the weak hearted. It really takes a lot of guts to show up in such a high-value way in the dating process, stick to our guns, not sleep with every man who comes our way or give him boyfriend status so easily. I rotational dated till the last moment, before the man I am seeing (and who I am so deeply in love with) put a ring on my finger and told me he wants to claim me forever.
It’s the best feeling on the planet.
We just shared the news with our families last night. I could never have done this without you. Thank you for all your help, Sami!”
~ Lauren, United States