What To Talk About On a First Date

Do you know what the goal of a first date is?

Before we discuss what to talk about, we need to be clear about what we’re here for first.

What I teach my clients in the Wunder world is that the first date has 2 goals:

Notice I don’t say compatibility, because there’s no way you can test for compatibility on just one date! To really check if someone is compatible with you in the long run, you need to really spend time with them.

What we’re looking for is basic resonance: noticing that he’s a mature man, that you can have an interesting conversation with him, and that you’re looking for similar things.

Feeling safe, feeling good, and having a vibe of positive emotions flowing through you when you’re with him, are also signs of resonance.

Check for that basic resonance. Is it there? Is it not there? Would I like to see this person again?

What To Talk About On a First Date

And if I WOULD like to see this person again, that leads to our second goal…

This is where, in the Wunder work, we get more strategic.

We want to increase the chances of spending time with the right people in dating. When we like a man, we definitely want to increase the chances of seeing him again!

So, what’s the Wunder strategy?

In order to create a positive experience both for yourself and the man you’re seeing on the first date, you should avoid certain topics and focus on others.

So here’s what you should (and shouldn’t!) talk about on your first date.

What NOT To Talk About

No talking about exes and past relationships!

There’s this myth out there in the love coaching industry that talking about your exes and past love life is part of being vulnerable and open.

And while this isn’t inherently false, a first date is NOT the time to start sharing everything about your last relationship.

It’s just too early in the dating process to be giving away your trust and opening up on such sensitive issues with a man you barely know…

It’s really important to remember something that I always tell my Wunder Divas: trust and transparency have to be earned. They’re not things you just gift a man on (or after) a first date.

Plus, talking about exes, people that we’ve been involved with, broken up with, gotten our hearts broken by… Those are generally not very positive topics to bring to a first date.

So avoid talking about your exes and past relationships to begin with.

Here’s the thing: we’re trying our best to keep the conversation light, fun and positive on a first date.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be vulnerable or honest… But sharing all the stories about your childhood trauma or family drama is a little ‘too much, too soon’ for anyone.

Not only can they ruin the vibe of a first date – they can leave you feeling exposed after sharing such sensitive, intimate details with a man you barely know.

What To Talk About On a First Date

There are a few topics that you DO want to talk about on a first date. They will almost ensure you’re successful in your 2 main goals for this first date:

  1. Checking for resonance
  2. Getting a second date

So, in terms of resonance, one of the most powerful things you can do on a first date is to keep the focus positive.

It doesn’t matter what you’re talking about as long as you’re not in that zone of complaining, and nagging, and going on and on and on about how horrible your boss is or how hard life is.

Keeping the vibe positive and light is a great idea on a first date.

How? By sharing stories and experiences – the two most powerful things you can discuss to really capture a man’s attention.


My clients usually tell me that when they’re nervous on first dates (it’s such a common thing!), they start talking about business a lot.

Business is their comfort zone, so they default to business-mode.

My advice to them and you today, if you have this problem, is that even if you can’t help yourself from talking about business…

You can still pull out stories and experiences that actually intrigue a man and show him something about you. Either they show a quality you have or they give information about something you love.

For example:

It’s not the same thing to say ‘I closed a great deal on my last business trip to Paris’ and go off on the details of your business deal…

Than to say ‘When I was in Paris for a business trip last summer, I used to LOVE walking to the bakery each morning, watching the sun rise behind the eiffel tower, and picking up pastries while smelling that freshly-baked-croissant smell.’

So if you’re able to tell stories and share an experience, that’s always such a memorable way to stand out on a first date. 

The truth is that most men you go out on a first date with are also seeing other women – so this is a great way to differentiate yourself if you’re feeling resonance with the person in front of you.

Help them remember you. Because your stories are unique, they’re personal, they help you stand out in the mind of the man who is liking you.

It’s A Date, Not An Interview

Something really important that a lot of women do wrong on first dates is going into interview mode.

We try to find out if the man in front of us is husband material. Inside of our heads, we’re asking ourselves ‘Are you gonna hit the mark when it comes to being a man that’s at my level?’ or ‘Do you have the potential to be my future husband?’

And that energy of interrogation takes away the positive vibe. It’s a very turning off energy! It makes the man feel under pressure, like you have your laser focus on him.

So, what do I usually recommend clients do instead in this situation?

Instead of getting in this energy, lean back, relax, and if it’s REALLY important to you that a man is actually looking for marriage and kids, ask questions like:

‘What are you looking for in terms of dating?’

Because men are usually very honest and they don’t overthink their answers, a man who’s not looking for marriage or children will usually say something like:

‘Oh, I’m just looking to have some fun/something casual’

What To Talk About On a First Date

Of course, that will give him lower points in the resonance factor if you’re a woman who’s looking for marriage and a serious relationship.

So your questions around this are totally legitimate – but it matters how you ask it and what energy you’re coming from.

If you can be in this light, relaxed energy and still get the information you need, it’s a very smart way for you to save your time.

There are love coaches out there who tell women to NEVER bring up marriage or kids on a first date. They say that the goal of the first date is just to have fun…

But I can tell you from experience that empowered, healthy masculine men do not mind women who know what they want – in fact, they prefer them.

So as long as you’re handling it like I explained above, it’s a great time saver and a great question to ask on the first date.

The Bottom Line

Long story short…

When it comes to going on a first date, remember your main 2 goals.

You want to be on the same page about the BIG things. Are we both looking for the same things in romance and dating? Not with each other, but in general.

If resonance is there, then the goal is to get a second date and for that, what is best is to:

I always tell my clients that one to one and a half hours is more than enough time for a first date.

The goal of the first date is not to overshare or get to know the entire history of the person… It’s to just check for good feelings, resonance, is there potential here.

And if there is potential, you wanna hear from the man soon!

If this was helpful, check out Elevate, my 6-month live group coaching program for single women to find an empowered, healthy man to have the best relationship of their lives with.

If you’re ready to understand how men think about love, commitment, sex, and all the juicy topics where we’re often so lost… Check out Elevate to get incredible results just like over 700 women in my community have!

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