First off, if you feel like he just won’t listen to you or your needs, I totally get how frustrating this can feel.
I know this, not just as a wife myself (Come on Chris, why is it so hard to listen?!) but also as an international dating and relationship coach for ambitious women, I get this complaint all the time in my last DECADE of helping women create more intimacy & connection in their relationships & marriages.
Here’s what my Elevate clients tell me – ‘Sami, I´ve told him what I need but it just does not seem like he is listening.
Can you relate? Is this happening to you too?
If yes, then you are in the right place. In this blog, I am going to give you some amazing communication tips on how to get him to listen to you and meet your needs in your relationship, without causing drama or having to raise your voice.
We will explore some effective strategies to bridge the communication gap in your relationship.
Plus, I’ll be sharing some real life client stories from Elevate, my six month long, LIVE and highly personalized, world class group coaching program where we help women like you heal their marriages and relationships and elevate it to the next level of intimacy and connection.
So the first thing I want to say to you, woman to woman, is that if you feel like you are asking for too much by wanting a man or your man to listen to you…
YOU ARE NOT ASKING FOR TOO MUCH my lovely diva!
So many of my Elevate clients feel like they are asking for too much or being too demanding when they have the desire for their man to listen to them. This is simply not true.
In fact, I want to assure you that your desire for him to listen to you is 100% natural and justified. It’s only human to crave a deep connection with your man & want to feel heard, seen and understood by him.
So without delay, let’s explore some of my top communication strategies that I teach in Elevate plus employ in my OWN 10 year + marriage with Chris.
1. Embracing The Differences Between Men & Men
In module 6 of Elevate, we teach our clients how men and women are NOT the same.
In fact, most of the time, you and your man / a man are probably going to have very different communication styles. You and your man may express your thoughts and emotions in diverse ways, which can sometimes lead to misunderstandings. It’s essential to approach these differences with empathy & curiosity.
Client Example From Elevate: Sarah From The USA
I once had the privilege of working with Sarah, a doctor from the USA inside Elevate, who felt her partner, John, wasn’t attentive when she opened up to him about her feelings. But after some questioning inside Elevate we found out that this was happening because as a woman, Sarah was wanting to be verbally assured by him like her girlfriends assure her.
Therefore, we invited her to remember that men and women are different and to notice how John would show his love in a different way. He would offer to bring her a take-away or give her a foot massage as his way of showing empathy and support when she was having a tough day.
When Sarah started to notice this, it drastically reduced the misunderstandings between the couple and Sarah could feel John´s love in HIS way of expressing it- through thoughtful actions.
By embracing the difference between their ‘communication styles’, Sarah felt more connected to John than ever before with the work inside Elevate.
2. Timing Is Everything
Picture this: you’re eager to share something meaningful with your man, but he seems preoccupied with other matters.
Timing plays a crucial role in effective communication.
Sometimes when Chris is busy on his computer, he literally nods to everything I say but I later find out that he was listening to NOTHING! LOL
Add two screaming kids to the mix and timing becomes EVERYTHING when communicating. So if you find that your man is not listening to you or paying attention to what you´re saying, ask yourself if your timing is right. Practicing patience to find the right time to communicate is worth its weight in gold.
Elevate Client Story: Let Me Introduce You to My Client Emma
Emma approached me seeking guidance on how to improve communication with her partner, Michael. She felt he was dismissive of her, whenever she brought up significant issues like money or hurt feelings.
Together, we explored their daily routines and discovered that talking about heavy topics during dinner or while he was engrossed in a project wasn’t ideal. Instead, Emma learned to schedule a dedicated time to talk, where both of them were relaxed and ready to listen with an open heart.
By the way if you want to work with me and my team of trained coaches inside Elevate, click here to get on the waitlist and we will get in touch with you with more information.
3. The Power of “I” Statements
When you communicate, it’s vital to express your feelings and concerns without sounding accusatory or confrontational to your man. This will inspire him to listen to you more, without shutting off or getting defensive.
Honestly, I find this one the HARDEST because truth be told, sometimes you want to tell the man OFF right? Nobody knows that better than me!!
I remember how many times I just want to tell Chris –
YOU forgot to put the food in the fridge.
YOU forgot the baby’s bottle at home.
YOU YOU YOU are wrong and I am RIGHT.😉
But hey, I have to walk my talk right and embody what I teach you. So I bite my tongue and remind myself that blame does NOT work. It may be tempting to use it but it does not work. So I resort to ‘I’ statements like
I feel sad that the food was forgotten outside. How can we do this differently?
I feel so bad that the baby is without a bottle now… How can we remember to keep it next time honey?
Using “I” statements can make a world of difference to the health of your relationship. They convey how you feel and what you need without putting your man on the defensive.
4. Becoming an Active Listener
To encourage your man to listen to you, you must lead by example. Actively listening involves showing genuine interest in his thoughts, maintaining eye contact, and refraining from interrupting when he talks to you.
When you offer this kind of attention to him, it is far more likely that he will return you the favor.
Client Story: Let Me Share – Rachel’s Tale From Elevate
Rachel, another client of mine, struggled with the feeling that David didn’t pay attention to her.
During our work together in Elevate, she realized that she wasn’t fully engaging in active listening either. She tended to interrupt him often when he spoke or dismiss his thoughts.
Together, we practiced the art of active listening, and Rachel noticed that David reciprocated the same level of attentiveness, bringing them closer together.
5. Steer Clear of Nagging or Criticism
We all know how easy it is to fall into the trap of nagging or criticizing your man when you feel unheard. However, this approach can be counterproductive, leading to more barriers in communication and emotional intimacy.
Client Story: Meet Ashley From Elevate
My soul client Ashley, who attracted her amazing husband inside the Elevate singles group, started to struggle with communication challenges in her marriage when the stress of life and work took over.
She joined the Elevate relationships group and expressed her frustration during our live coaching calls, explaining how she often complained to her husband about his lack of attention to her feelings. Naturally, this only led to more arguments.
Together, we explored a new approach – one of positive reinforcement and appreciation and emotional trigger management.
Ashley decided to be less reactive herself and manage her own emotions better, even in moments where she felt triggered by her man. She began praising her husband for the positives, and she expressed gratitude for his efforts.
This shift in attitude brought about close to miraculous changes in their marriage – all thanks to Elevate!
On that note, I know that no matter how amazing this advice is, it is hard to implement it by yourself and without support.
Therefore, I’d love to invite you to my brand new masterclass that I am running called –
On this world-class, FREE masterclass you will –
Learn The No.1 Mistake Most Smart Women Make in Romantic Communication That Pushes A Man Away (And What Will Bring Him Closer Instead).
How to Speak to A Man in a Way That Guarantees He’ll Listen!
The 5 Must-Haves of Empowered Romantic Communication To Get Your Needs Met Whether in Dating or Long-Term Relationships Without Needing To Raise Your Voice.
Normally, I´d charge at least 197 euros for this but you can get a FREE pass to this for a limited period of time right now.
I am so excited to see you on the inside!