Ghosting is a phenomenon that has taken the dating world by storm. It is the act of disappearing without any explanation or communication from the person you were seeing. The feeling of being ghosted is akin to being left stranded in the middle of nowhere. This behavior is prevalent among men, especially around the three-month mark. In this article, we will break down the topic of why men ghost and what the most high value response to it is.
What Is Ghosting?
Ghosting is the act of disappearing on someone you have been dating without any explanation. It is called “ghosting” because of how it feels: everything changes overnight, and you are left wondering what happened. You ask yourself, “Is this even real? Everything was going so well…”
What Is Its Impact?
The impact of ghosting can vary. If you have been expecting the relationship to end as things have not been going well, you will not be surprised when your partner disappears. You may feel bad, but deep down, you knew it was about to happen.
However, when the man you have been seeing disappears without explanation after treating you like a queen for weeks, it can be one of the most painful experiences to navigate. It is such cases that make you spin in your head, trying to understand why men ghost.
Now, women not only try to understand why men ghost but also internalize the guilt. They ask themselves questions like:
- “What did I do wrong here, for him to disappear on me like this?”
- “Why don’t I ever go beyond the 3-month mark with any good man?”
- “What is wrong with me?”
- “Why do men always chicken out when a relationship starts to get real?”
Why Do Men Ghost in Dating?
None of these questions are true or helpful.
A man ghosting on you does not mean anything is wrong with you or that you will never be able to navigate beyond the three-month mark. My husband did not, and neither did any of the husbands of my happily married clients.
So, why do men ghost?
There are several potential reasons.
A male expert explains that men ghost, often around the three-month mark, because that is when a relationship starts to get real, and his fears come up.
Another expert says that they ghost because they get overwhelmed by the intensity of their feelings and cannot cope with them.
Yet another expert says that men ghost on a woman around that point because they may not be ready to give you what you want.
However, it is my husband’s response that hits home for me the most.
Men disappear on a woman when they are not sure they are feeling it for her and she is NOT their forever one.
As a relationship expert, I know that a man would try to overcome his fears, insecurities, and doubts for a woman who he is sure is “THE ONE.”
His passion, his desire, his wanting to be with her will help him trump his demons and fears.
So, all of these mental acrobatics about why men ghost on women do not interest or capture me. They actually feel like a waste of time, a temporary way to distract a woman from addressing the real issue:
How do you respond to a man who ghosts on you, irrespective of why he ghosted on you?
Because his “why” does not matter… that he ghosted on you, DOES!
The High Value Response To Ghosting
Now that we have understood why men ghost, it is time to discuss the high value response to ghosting. There are two things of importance here:
1.Understand that there is nothing you can do to make him change his mind.
Men do what they want, and the last thing you want to do in a romantic equation is beg a man to be with
2. Respond in a high value way.
So, what does it mean to respond in a high value way when a man ghosts you?
First and foremost, it means not chasing after him. It means not sending him endless messages, calling him repeatedly, or trying to force an explanation out of him. It means not resorting to name-calling or engaging in drama. It means not begging him to come back or trying to guilt-trip him into giving you an explanation.
Instead, responding in a high value way means taking a step back and focusing on yourself. It means taking care of your own well-being and happiness, rather than fixating on why he ghosted on you.
It means maintaining your dignity and self-respect, even in the face of rejection. It means understanding that his ghosting is about him, not about you, and that you deserve someone who is willing to communicate and be present in a relationship.
Here are some specific ways to respond in a high value way when a man ghosts on you:
- Give him space: If a man ghosts on you, the best thing you can do is give him space. Don’t try to force an explanation out of him or bombard him with messages. Let him come to you if he wants to communicate. If he doesn’t, then it’s a clear sign that he’s not interested in continuing the relationship, and it’s time for you to move on. I truly believe that trying to have a conversation or getting closure is overrated, especially in early dating.
- Focus on self-care: Take care of yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, engage in activities that make you happy, and practice self-compassion. Remember that you are worthy of love and respect, and don’t let his ghosting affect your self-esteem.
- Set boundaries: If he does come back after ghosting, it’s important to set boundaries. Let him know that his ghosting was hurtful and unacceptable, and that you won’t tolerate such behavior in the future. Communicate your expectations clearly and stand firm in your boundaries.
- Don’t engage in drama: It can be tempting to lash out at him or engage in drama when you’re hurt by his ghosting, but this will only prolong the pain and create more negativity. Avoid engaging in negative behaviors such as name-calling, arguing, or seeking revenge. Instead, rise above the situation and respond with grace and dignity.
- Move on: If a man ghosts on you, it’s important to recognize that it’s not a reflection of your worthiness or desirability. It’s his loss, not yours. Allow yourself to grieve the end of the relationship, but also give yourself permission to move on. Don’t dwell on the why’s and what-if’s, and don’t wait around for him to come back. Focus on yourself and open yourself up to new possibilities.
In conclusion, ghosting can be a painful experience, but it’s important to understand that it’s not about you, even though in the moment I know it does feel personal.
Men ghost for various reasons, and it’s not always a reflection of your worthiness or desirability.
The most high value response to ghosting is to focus on yourself, set boundaries, and respond with grace and dignity.
Remember that you deserve someone who is willing to communicate and be present in a relationship, and don’t settle for anything less. Keep in mind that ghosting is a sign that the relationship was not meant to be, and it’s an opportunity for you to move on and find someone who appreciates and respects you for who you are.
If you’d like to learn further on how to not be the woman who gets ghosted and show up as high value in dating, click here to read my blog on 5 ways to show up as high value in dating.
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