Hey there divas!
Have you ever tried to tell your man / your boyfriend / your husband 200 times what you want from him and still nothing changes?
Look at Tonia’s question:
“Hi Sami.
I love your work. Thank you for being my guiding angel and coming into my life at a time when I really need you.
My husband and I are completely falling apart. There is no passion in the relationship. I tell him over and over again dates would make me happy, consistent communication would make me happy and yet nothing changes. Nothing changes at all. No wonder I end up feeling resentful and tell him he is a jerk and as you can imagine, it doesn’t help either.
Please help me. I can’t seem to handle this alone anymore. Thanks and God bless, Tonia.”
My Answer:
Firstly, can you relate with Tonia? I totally can.
I remember how I used to ask my ex to call me more, text me more, bring me flowers, plan more dates, compare him to other boyfriends who did those things for their girls—and he literally did the opposite of what I was asking him to do.
He would not plan any dates, not call me more, and he even resisted me more and more; sometimes he did the exact opposite of what I was asking him to do.
So frustrating, I could literally scream and pull my hair out! There was only unhappiness and complaints and dissatisfaction in our relationship, as he felt nagged, and I felt under-appreciated.
As much as I wish this was only my story, it unfortunately is the story of several hundreds of women out there. Their men watch video games, don’t take out the garbage, and when these women ask them to help them, what they get back from their man is a frown, a lazy yawn or, worse still, an angry response.
So how do we resolve this?
Step 1: Understand That What A Man Does For You Is Representative Of The Attraction He Feels For You In The Relationship / Marriage
If your man is not doing the usual romantic things you’d like him to do, I know it feels bad—but you have to understand that if he’s not doing them, he is probably not feeling inspired to do them.
Men do what they want the majority of the time. This means that if he isn’t doing those things, he probably isn’t “feeling” like doing them. He is not “not” doing it on purpose to hurt you or playing games or trying to deliberately piss you off. He is just not “feeling it.” Hard to digest, painful, I know, but it’s good if you “get this” as a first step if you want to turn your relationship around and make him step up.
Step 2: Understand That Nagging Won’t Make Him Step Up, So Stop Doing It
Talking to him about him stepping up, comparing him to other men, calling him lazy or a jerk and nagging him to be the man you want him to be is not only NOT going to inspire him to step up, it will actually damage your relationship, and push him further away. And we don’t want that, do we? We want to bring him close and inspire him to be the man we want him to be.
So stop, just stop talking to him about how you want him to be. Yes, STOP, stop all the complaints and nagging this very moment. Put your hand on your mouth if you must but please stop doing it because it’s not helping your relationship at all.
Step 3: Build Up The Attraction He Feels For You Now
Now that you’ve stopped nagging and telling him what to do which actually kills his attraction for you, we are going to start re-building the attraction.
You see, I don’t want you to stay unhappy in your relationship or not have your needs met. And neither do I want you to be a dumb doll in your relationship that never speaks up.
I just want you to build up the attraction back in your relationship BEFORE you talk to your man about what you want or express your needs to him.
When you talk to a man about what you want him to be and do, without building up the lost attraction in your relationship, you continue to get the lazy moans and angry grumps, and nothing changes. In fact, things only get worse.
However, when you build back that attraction again, he starts to notice you, he starts to come towards you – and THAT is then the time to speak up about what’s not working for you.
So How Do You Build Up That Attraction Again?
Soulmates Forever – Heartbreak-Proof Your Precious Relationship, my group coaching program (for married women, women in committed relationships, and even motivated single women who want to learn how this stuff works) will answer exactly this million-dollar question for you, and show you not only how to get the attraction back, but also how to keep it going, forever and ever.
Communication, intimacy, sex, magic dates, romance, and all the tough negotiations with household chores and handling of finances will be covered in this program that starts November 5th.
Soulmates Forever will help you have the relationship you desire. Click here to read more about the program: samiwunder.com/soulmates-forever/index.html
Can’t wait to support you,
Sami Wunder
P.P.S. – The best way to get in contact with me (and ask me such a question) is to join my free, confidential relationship support group on Facebook. Click here to become a Wunder Diva: www.facebook.com/groups/wunderdivas/
