Hi! This is Sami.
Today I want to talk to you about how to deal with our man when we feel overtly sensitive (we all do on certain days)!
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Look at Louisa’s (name changed) question –
“Dear Sami. The past days I have been having intense PMS pains and it really get’s my mood off. To top that, I have stress at work and an allergy that I developed in autumn that has left me with a sore throat. Hence, given all these pressures, I have been feeling really moody and sensitive. Even the smallest thing is making me want to cry. My boyfriend senses my energy and constantly asks me what’s wrong. If I tell him, I think he doesn’t understand and we get into arguments. If I don’t tell him, he feels distant from me. Please help me. My emotions are not about him but right now I am feeling really crappy and I want to be left alone. Please guide me on how to handle this situation. We are living together. Thank you so much. Louisa A.”
What a brilliant question!
Welcome to the world of intimate relationships, where we see each other’s rosy and not-so-rosy sides, all at the same time and we have to learn to live with it and FALL IN LOVE with it 🙂
What you are going through is a very classic situation.
We women are emotional creatures and PMS doesn’t help. While we have had to accept our hormonal rollercoaster as an integral part of our lives, for our men it is still a mystery how “hormones” can lead their women to dance one moment and break down in tears in another moment.
In fact, lately, I’ve also been a bit sick with a sore throat and I can feel my husband wondering if I have withdrawn “from him” or if I am angry with him about something because I’ve been more silent than usual.
So to get down and dirty straight away Louisa, here’s how I deal with my sensitive days and here’s what I recommend for you –
1) Let Him Know You’re Feeling Down
This might sound like a no-brainer but when we’re not feeling all that peachy, communication is the first thing that dies out.
Instead of making your man wonder regarding what’s going on with you, be up front and share that you are not feeling well and that makes you a bit sensitive at the moment.
You can also add that you would appreciate having some time on your own to sort yourself out.
Don’t worry! Healthy men need their own cave time and wouldn’t react strangely to this normal request of yours. Hence, just say it!
2) Let Him Know It’s Not About Him
Every time I share with my husband that I am feeling down or a tad sensitive, I make sure to finish it with – “And it’s not about you.”
This line is like an instant reliever for a man, absolving him of any fear that you are moody, silent or irritable because of something that he has done.
It is unbelievable how personally men take our unhappiness. The poor guys think it’s their job to make us happy and when they see us unhappy, almost sub-consciously they blame themselves for it.
Hence, relieve him of his role in your moodiness and see him lighten up.
3) Keep Your “Inner Triggers” To Yourself
I don’t know about you Louisa but when I am feeling sensitive, every thing and every one can piss me off. It’s like for that one day the world becomes a nasty place with monsters and ill-intentioned demons.
As you can imagine, awareness helps and keeping a check on my mouth and my words helps too.
It also helps me tremendously to remember that I am reacting over-proportionately to the given situation and that these are just my hormones playing around. They do not represent the whole of me.
Hence, as a conscious decision, especially during such days, I choose not to share every single dooming thought or feeling that goes through my body and mind with my man.
This way I don’t overwhelm or burden him unnecessarily with my emotional stuff and he doesn’t feel like he has to solve everything for me (an instinct men have when their women are in distress).
4) Take Care Of You
This is never said enough.
When your hormones are getting the better of you, you have to concentrate even more on doing that yoga, drinking lots of water, eating healthy, non-sugary food and dipping in a hot bath or doing anything that feels good and nourishing to your soul.
This is not the time to work even harder and tire yourself out.
While you can’t get rid of these moody days completely, you can definitely lessen their intensity by taking good care of you during this time.
I hope this helps you, Louisa.
As for the rest of you mermaids reading this, here’s my amazing Diva In Love, Diva In Life affirmations audio – it will help your inner work journey, as well as offer soothing and confidence on those days you’re feeling extra sensitive!
Feel free to leave a comment below on how you deal with your man in the relationship when you are feeling overtly sensitive. Are there particular things he does or says that can you make you feel sensitive?
Sending you love,