Today I have a story for you, divas – and it’s a perfect example of why and how you should embrace and fully accept your imperfections in love – because men, and your man, certainly WILL!
Some time ago, my lovely Inner Circle group coaching client Claudia shared a picture of her. Her entire beautiful face looked extremely swollen and her left eye was horrifyingly red and blue. Upon seeing the picture, I immediately started typing – “Are you okay, love?”
But then I stopped and realized that the photo was from when she had had a car accident a few months before. She was now sharing that picture with her Inner Circle sisters on the group to show them that EVEN WHEN SHE LOOKED LIKE THAT, her man wouldn’t stop coming towards her.
In fact, Claudia was in a foreign country when this happened, and her rotational date of 3 months (now steady boyfriend – Inner Circle success story, WOOHOO!) flew all the way from the United States, just to be with her in this difficult moment
He was an amazing gentleman and looked after her, helped her deal with the accident and pampered her and did his best to cheer her up.
And to tell you the truth, I am not surprised. In my world, these “sweet” things that men do happen to my clients all the time.
I just smiled my beautiful, knowing diva smile…
Because I know without a doubt – that our men love us with all our imperfections and flaws, if only WE, too, learn to accept our imperfections!
In fact, it is the same with my husband Christopher. He found me “hot” even after I had gained 17 kg after Aaron was born… (I felt like a whale back then, and it was no fun!)
In fact, even today, when he makes “a move” at me, and I feel tired or messy or chaotic with my hair up …
I have to ask myself – “Wow. Really, Even like this?”
So what I am trying to get at here is that this whole soulmate attraction thing and keeping your husband in love with you for many centuries to come, isn’t that complicated or “hard”, unless we women ourselves make it so.
And here’s how I see many amazing women, making the process hard for ourselves.
1. By not loving and liking yourself enough or feeling “not good enough” for a man in some form.
When you do not accept your imperfections, you may not be liking your body, your looks, or feeling pretty enough or smart enough around men.
And while with every cell in my body I know that YOU ARE MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH, my love, if you don’t believe it yourself, it can be challenging for a man to like you when you don’t return that favor to yourself, first.
This is why our philosophy is that the inner work comes first, the soulmate second!
In fact, in Attract Your Soulmate, my advanced audio program, I specifically dedicate module 1 to cultivating a healthy and empowered mindset, and module 2 to overcoming any limiting beliefs and “nasty voices” that don’t let you love yourself fully.
2. You make it hard for yourself when your don’t accept your imperfections.
The first step to inner work is to fully accept yourself, including to accept your imperfections!
What Claudia did was phenomenal, because so many women would have instinctively kept a man at arm’s length when they were looking this way, and in that, they would be rejecting REAL INTIMACY from developing in the relationship.
So if you’re trying to always be sexy and happy and upbeat around a man or your partner, you may be not letting him in, into the real you, which is what he wants to experience in order to feel bonded!
3. We can make the process of letting a man in and love us harder if we have intimacy fears.
If you consciously say you want soulmate love or you want your man to step up more for you but sub-consciously you feel “strangled”, suffocated or fear losing your independence every time a man gets close or your partner tries to do something nice for you, then intimacy fears are running the show in your love life, baby boo!
And these sneaky little monsters need to be addressed and dealt with, else they will rear their ugly head up again, each time a man / your man tries to get close to you!
And using your imperfections as an excuse to keep a man at arm’s length can be one such example of an intimacy fear.
4. Boundaries baby! Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
Healing intimacy fears and letting a man’s love in does NOT equal accepting everything that he does or says, however!
In Claudia’s case, she felt good with all the attention of her man, and how he took care of her when she was sick. But had he overstepped and tried to control her in that moment, I am confident that Claudia would have said no.
However, so many of my other clients and readers are afraid of drawing clear, solid boundaries with the men they are dating or their partners, and this is one huge reason why relationships collapse.
Without boundaries, it’s so easy to get resentful with our men and blame them for our misery… While in reality, it’s US who are responsible for speaking our truth vs. stifling our feelings down.
5. We make soulmate attraction / getting our partners close harder by being in our masculine, doing energy.
How does the masculine/feminine dynamics come into play here?
Well, when I see so many lovely women “trying hard” in dating or in relationships, I know the underlying reason is to convince men of their worth.
We push ourselves in masculine energy and overgiving when we don’t accept our imperfections and feel like we need to over-compensate any of our perceived flaws by doing or giving more.
But when you truly understand down to your bones that you are enough and perfectly lovable with all your imperfections, softening into your feminine energy will become much easier as well.
If you’re new to the concept, Attract Your Soulmate Module 3 is dedicated to feminine energy, and learning to embrace it through experiential tools that will help you no matter if you are dating or even in a relationship or married.
6. You make it hard when you don’t understand men and how THEY accept your imperfections.
When we don’t take the time to really understand and appreciate the opposite sex, we can project our own fears and resistances on them.
Men are actually not so complicated. They want to make you happy (the healthy ones and I hope those are the kind you’re looking for), and they like to do the “work” of winning you.
So like Claudia showed us, let them do both while you (metaphorically OR literally) eat grapes out of a golden plate, and see the magic unfold…
